Secrets
by TheSouthLondonShaman
Summary: Vince does some things that even Howard doesn't know about.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

I can't laugh.

I can't joke.

I can't even smile anymore.

But I have to.

Because I'm the Sunshine Kid.

The King of Camden.

Vince Noir.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I put on a fake smile as Howard bounces upstairs, annoyingly cheerful.

"Alright?"

"Yes, sir, I most certainly am. You missed quite a night down at the jazz club!" He chuckles, and begins to scat.

"Howard! Stop scatting!" He just grins and sits down. How can he be so happy? How can everyone else smile while I'm so miserable?

"So how was your day?" Howard asks, pulling me from my thoughts.

"It was genius!" I lie, beaming. "I did loads! I had a tea party with some hedgehogs, we made a jam sponge!" Howard smirks disbelievingly, but at least he hasn't guessed the truth.

"That's great, little man. Anyway, I'm going to bed. Try and get up on time to open the shop, yeah?"

"Yeah, whatever." I mutter. "G'night, Howard."

"Goodnight Vince."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

I hide beneath the covers as Howard gets up. I don't want him to know that I didn't sleep last night. I never do now. I stay awake so that I don't have nightmares. I get them every time I go to sleep, which is usually a few hours a week.

He leaves the room almost silently, obviously trying not to wake me up. I hear him close the door and go down into the shop. Relieved that he's gone, I come out from under the covers. I get up and open a drawer in my dressing table. I hunt around for a few minutes before finding a familiar small package. I unwrap it carefully, pausing to make sure that Howard hasn't come back upstairs. Satisfied, I take the contents of the parcel over to the bed.

The blade glistens invitingly in the faint light. Entranced, I put it towards the pale skin of my ankle. I make the first cut, but I can't see any marks, so I cut again. I slash desperately, trying to make some kind of mark appear. In the end I give up, returning the blade to its hiding place.

I get dressed quickly, making sure that I hide my ankle and cover my dark eyes with makeup. I put on a fake smile and bounce down into the shop.

"Alright?"

"What time do you call this?" Howard glares at me.

"About ten in the morning." I reply, sitting down. "What's the problem?"

"Vince, you were meant to be here an hour ago!"

"So what?"

"Just get to work."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"Are you going on your lunch break then?" Howard asks.

"Yeah, in a minute. Are you?"

"Where do you think I've been for the past hour?"

"Trapped in a cabinet?"

"I'm a man of action, Vince. I don't get trapped in cabinets."

"Lots of people get trapped in cabinets! Doctors, dentists, lawyers. Haven't you seen the show? Captain Cabinets, trapped in cabinets."

"Can he get out, will he get out?"

"Course he will! Captain Cabinets."

"No, I wasn't trapped in a cabinet. Are you going on your lunch break, then?"

"Yeah, alright." I trudge upstairs into the flat. I go into my bedroom and find the razor again. As though in a trance, I slash at my legs repeatedly, feeling nothing.

"Vince?" I hear Howard shouting up the stairs. Panicked, I hide the blade. Making sure that all of my cuts are covered, I walk out of the bedroom, smiling falsely.

"Alright?"

"Vince, what were you doing in there? I thought you came up here to get lunch?"

"I did, I was just straightening my hair." I lie smoothly.

"Fair enough. Anyway, Naboo rang, said he'd be back later today."

"Great, did he have a good trip?"

"He didn't say, I think he was still high. See you back in the shop in half an hour?"

"Yeah, ok." I breathe a sigh of relief as he goes back downstairs. I don't want him to know about the cutting. There's nothing he can do. I can handle it on my own. I sit down on the sofa, having no intention of eating any time soon.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"Alright Naboolio?" I grin as the tiny shaman walks through the shop door. "Good trip?"

"Yeah, it was alright. You closed up yet?"

"We were just about to. Go on, Vince." Howard motions for me to close the shutters.

"Why me? Naboo, tell him to do it!" I whine, turning the fact that Naboo favours me to my advantage. He rolls his eyes.

"What am I, your dad?"

"Harold close shop. Precious Vince come upstairs."

"It's Howard, actually. And why can't Vince do it?" Bollo growls at him and he starts to lock up the shop. Naboo shakes his head as we plod upstairs.

"Did anything interesting happen while we were away?"

"Howard added a paperclip hut to stationary village. I chatted to a lemur. Not much else. You up to anything tonight?"

"Bollo go DJ. Naboo come."

"Cool. I think Howard's going out to Lester Corncrake's."

"What precious Vince do?"

"I was thinking of having a night in. I'm pretty knackered." Naboo studies me, a concerned look on his face, but he doesn't say anything. I try hard not to look as though I'm hiding something. Naboo doesn't need to know. No-one does.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Oh no.

I'm covered in cuts. There was nothing there. There were no marks at all. I ignore it and keep cutting, trying to distract myself from the agonizing hunger pains shaking my body.

There's nothing wrong with me. I just don't like food anymore.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

"Vince?" I hear Naboo shouting my name from his room.

"What?" I call back, turning towards the direction of his voice. He pokes his head out from the bedroom and looks around. His expression makes me feel scared and uneasy.

"Vince. A word. In here. Now." I try and come up with an excuse, but Howard's at jazzercise and Bollo's at the Velvet Onion. I walk, a little reluctantly, into his room. I've got no idea what he wants to talk to me about. The rent's been paid on time, for the first time ever, and I can't think of anything I've done that could make him look so…odd.

He guides me to a chair and sits down opposite me. He just looks at me for a while, making me squirm. The silence becomes unbearable.

"Naboo…" I begin, but he holds up a hand to stop me. He studies me for a few more moments, then:

"Why aren't you eating?" I wasn't expecting that.

"I…what do you mean?"

"I mean, why aren't you eating?"

"I am!"

"Vince…" I can hear the restrained anger in his voice.

"I am eating!" He stands up, making me feel about two centimetres tall. His calm voice is gone, he's bellowing now.

"Vincent Noir, don't you dare try lying to me! You might be able to deceive Howard, but I can tell. Now, I'll give you one last chance. Why aren't you eating?"

"There's nothing wrong, I just don't like food at the minute!"

"It's more than that, and you know it."

"No, it's not! That's honestly all it is!" I'm close to tears now, and Naboo can tell. He calms down, and puts a comforting arm around me.

"We'll talk tomorrow. I'll send Howard and Bollo out for the day." He looks me up and down. "You need sleep. Come on, bed." I open my mouth to protest, but he silences me with a look. I stand up and walk out of the room and into my own, aware of him following me.

I crawl into bed, not bothering to undress. Naboo stands in the doorway.

"Goodnight, Vince. I'll see you in the morning."

"Night, 'Boo." He leaves, shutting the door behind him. I hear him walk back to his own room quietly. I'm dreading talking to him again tomorrow.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

I haven't been back to the flat all day. It's past midnight now; everyone will be asleep. I shut the front door silently. It's not that I'm trying to avoid Naboo, I tell myself, I just…had a lot to do today.

"Vincent."

"Shit." I mutter. I spin round, and he's sitting there, watching me.

"Where've you been?" I desperately try to come up with an excuse.

"Umm…out?" I offer.

"All day?"

"Yeah, I had some stuff to do."

"Like what?" My mind goes blank.

"Just some stuff! Look, can I go to bed?" I'm starting to lose my temper now.

"Vince…"

"What? Naboo, can I just go to bed? I'm knackered, I haven't slept in ages, just leave me alone, yeah?"

"Vince, we need to talk about this."

"Can't we do it in the morning?"

"It is the morning."

"What about Howard and Bollo?"

"I'll get rid of them."

"How?"

"I'm a shaman, Vince. I can do magic, remember?"

"Oh yeah."

"Go to bed. I'll see you in the morning. You're not putting this off again, though." I don't reply. Exhausted, I crawl to bed.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

"Are you sure you'll be ok?"

"I'll be fine! You're only going to Yorkshire; it's not the other side of the world! Anyway, Naboo's here."  
"Ok. Remember to open the shop on time, and try not to do anything stupid, and…"

"Howard, I'll be fine! Just go!" I smile at him. Bollo left this morning on some shamanistic business, so it'll just be me and Naboo when Howard leaves. He speaks again, pulling me from my thoughts.

"Ok then. Goodbye Vince."

"Bye Howard." I wave as he gets into the van and drives away.

"Vincent."

"Naboo…"

"You've put this off long enough. Come on." He turns and walks into his room. I follow him.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

"Why aren't you eating?"

"I am."

"No you aren't. When was the last time you ate?"

"Last night, with Howard."

"What did you eat?"

"Umm…pasta?" I offer.

"How much did you eat?"

"I don't know."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Vincent…"

"Look, why can't you leave me alone? Why does it bother you whether or not I eat?"

"Because I care about you! What you're doing isn't healthy, Vince. I want to understand!" I shake my head.

"No, you don't."

"I do, Vince. Why won't you tell me?"

"Telling people about your problems just spreads misery."

"That's not true Vince. Tell me what's wrong."

"How would it help?"

"Just tell me Vince. What harm could it do?"

"It was too long ago. There's no point bringing it all up now. Everyone's forgotten about it." My head's in my hands. Feeling a hand on my shoulder, I look up. Naboo is stood next to me, his eyes pools of raw emotion.

"Except you. It's obviously bothering you, Vince. Tell me." I sigh and reluctantly begin my story.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

"I didn't grow up in the forest with Brian Ferry. I had…I've got two sisters. Noelle and Julia. Noelle's younger than me, Julia's older. I lived with them. Well, I say lived. I shared a house with them. Occasionally. My mother, my biological mother, wasn't…mentally stable. Her name was Fiona. She was abusive. I don't blame her, though. I was horrible…evil. I…I hurt them, Naboo. I hurt them all. Even Noelle. She was four years old. Fiona stopped feeding me about a year later. I was ten years old. She would lock food away. She made a point of cooking for Noelle and Julia. I worked, stole, and begged to eat. Ten years old, and I was supporting myself. I slept rough a lot, if was safer. For everyone. I tried to kill Julia once. I went at her throat with a knife. Fiona got in the way; I cut her hand instead.

She threw me out when I was almost twelve. I could look after myself, but people started asking questions. It was a small village, and people noticed me wandering the streets. I knew I had to leave, so I did. I ran away to London. Nobody would notice me there. Who would notice one more homeless kid on the streets of England's capital? No-one. That's when I stopped eating. Long story short, I got a job at the zoo, met Howard, moved in with him, we moved in with you… well, you were there for the rest. That's the story of my life." I stop, taking a deep breath. Even with my head lowered, I can feel him watching me. I wish he'd say something. Anything. "Naboo?" There's a pause, then:

"Ok."

"Ok?" I ask , confused.

"Ok." There's another pause. "What else?"

"What…what do you mean?"

"What else are you doing? I can tell there's something else."

"How?"

"I just can. Now, tell me about it."

"I'm self-harming. Cutting."

"With what?"

"A razor blade."

"Go and get it." I leave the room and fetch it obediently. When I return, I hand it to him, and he tucks it into a pocket in his robes.

"I'm not sleeping either."

"I know. Nightmares, yes?" It amazes me how much he knows.

"Yeah. Well, kind of. More…memories. I can hear them, Noelle and Julia, crying. Not just when I'm asleep. All the time." He takes my hands in his.

"It'll get better. I promise." I raise my head and my eyes meet his. He seems genuinely honest.

"Ok."


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

"Howard and Bollo are going to be…staying away for a while." Naboo says gently the next day.

"What? Why?" I instantly start panicking.

"You know why. This won't happen overnight. I've told them that they can't come back until I give the word."

"When will that be?"

"A few months. You should be ready by then."

"Ready for what?" He hesitates slightly.

"Social interaction."

"Naboo, what do you mean, being ready for social interaction?"

"You can't go out until you're better. You aren't well enough."

"What? You can't do that!" I screech, my voice so high it almost fades into nothing. He puts his hands on my arm, but I jerk away violently.

"Vince, calm down."

"No! You can't stop me from going out!"

"I can, Vince, and I will."

"You can't! It isn't fair!" I know I sound like a whining toddler now, but I don't care.

"Vince, calm down. Stop shouting." I don't listen.

"No! You can't do this!"

"Vincent Noir, be quiet and listen to me!" He roars. I become silent with shock. He collects his self, and speaks calmly again. "I wouldn't do this if it wasn't for the best, you know that. You need sleep. Go to bed."

"But Naboo, I'm not tired!" I wail, burying deep into the sofa.

"Vince. Bed. Now."

"But Naboo…"

"Now." He says firmly. I trudge to my bedroom and flop down on the bed, curling into a ball beneath the duvet.

"Vince." Naboo's standing in the doorway, holding a steaming cup of liquid. He walks towards me and sits down on the end of the bed. "We need to talk about sleeping arrangements." I look at him questioningly, and he continues. "You can't sleep in here. Not when you're on your own. Follow me." He leaves the room and I follow, curious. He opens his bedroom door and I gasp. It's bigger, and there's an extra bed. I point towards it, trembling slightly.

"Am I…do I…Naboo, I…" I start crying silently, the tears rolling softly down my cheeks. I turn and hug him, lifting him up and squeezing him hard. When I put him down, he straightens his turbans and regains his composure.

"I magicked the room to make it bigger." He says, and I swear I see him blush. "You sleep there."

"Thank you, Naboo."

"Now drink this." He hands me the cup. I drink it and feel instantly drowsy. "Lie down and go to sleep. The drink should take effect pretty quickly. Goodnight, Vince."

"G'night, Naboo." I stumble towards the bed. Falling down on the soft mattress, I'm asleep in seconds.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

The next morning, I'm awoken by a loud crash. I stumble towards it, still half asleep.

"Naboo?" The small shaman looks up at me.

"Go back to bed, Vince." He says, turning away.

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing. Just go back to bed."

"Naboo, what's going on? What are you doing?"

"Just go to bed, Vince." He sighs.

Something's different, but I can't quite tell what it is. Then it hits me.

"Naboo, are you changing the locks?"

"I…"

"Why?"

"Vince, it's for your own safety."

"How is it for my safety?"

"You need to stay where I can keep an eye on you. I'm not taking any risks."

"So you're changing the locks?"

"Yes." I don't argue. A thought comes to me.

"Why didn't you just use magic?"

"It's too difficult. If it went wrong, we could have been locked in here forever."

"Oh. Ok then." I walk back into the bedroom and lie down, but I don't sleep.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

"You didn't sleep, did you?" Naboo asks when I re-emerge.

"I…I…" I stutter. Then, "No."

"You'll make yourself ill." He sighs.

"No I won't." I say stubbornly. He doesn't answer.

"Naboo, what are we going to do about shopping?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, if I can't go out, and you insist on keeping me under your 24 hour surveillance, how are we going to shop? You know, for food and stuff?"

"I've got it sorted. The other shamen have said they'll help." I try to recall what they look like. I remember Howard's birthday, the roof, then…

"Didn't one of them try to kill me?"

"Yeah. What happened? He came downstairs, left his wife and came out as gay."

"Umm…I can't remember." I lie. He smiles disbelievingly but doesn't say anything.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

"Vince, you have to eat something." Naboo pushes a plate of food towards me.

"No, I don't." I push it away again.

"Yes, you do. Just eat. It's not difficult."

"Yes it is."

"Come on Vince." He coaxes. "A few bites, that's all. It's nothing!" I try to argue, but he interrupts me. "Go on. Just one tiny bite." His voice sounds like he's trying to tame a wild animal.

I scrape my teeth against some carrot, pulling a tiny piece off. I chew is for what feels like ages. "Come on. Swallow." He commands, his voice still gentle. I obey, feeling sick as I do. "There. That wasn't too hard, was it?"

"Yes it was." I mumble.

"Still, at least you ate. You're making progress."


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

I can't do it. I have to cut. The urge is overwhelming. Naboo took the blade I gave him, and he's taken all of the razors from the bathroom and all of the knives from the kitchen. But there's one. Hidden, where no one else can find it.

I wait until Naboo leaves the room and I find the blade, then use it to slash again and again at my legs. I don't feel anything; I'm completely numb.

"Vincent." I freeze. "Put it down." I turn slowly. Naboo's glaring at me, his face thunderous.

"Naboo, I'm sorry, I just…"

"Don't make excuses Vincent." He interrupts. "How could you? You know that it's stupid and unsafe, but you still do it! Why? Anyway, you promised that you wouldn't! You gave me you word, Vincent. Vincent? Vince? What are you doing?" I'm curled up in a ball, rocking back and forth and shaking.

"I'm sorry… I'm sorry…"

"Vince, what are you doing?" His voice is soft now, and he's crouched down beside me. He touches my arm but I jerk away violently, snapping my head up to look at him. "Shh…calm down, Vince. It's fine, everything's fine, just calm down."

"I…you were…please don't, Naboo!"

"Don't what, Vince?" He looks genuinely confused.

"Don't hit me, Naboo, please!" I break down into huge, shaking sobs.

"Vince, why would I…" Then he realises. "Oh, Vince, I'm so sorry! I wouldn't hit you, ever!"

"But I'm horrible, and evil, and I deserve it!"

"No you don't. Come here." He pulls me into a hug. "I will never, ever hit you Vince. I promise. Ok?"

"Ok." I nod.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

A few days later, I'm trying to avoid eating lunch when I hear voices in the shop.

"Saboo, you ballbag, what are you doing?"

"Following instructions, Tony. Something you appear to be incapable of doing."

"What instructions?"

"The ones Dennis gave us. Weren't you listening?"

"Listening? Of course I wasn't listening! Do you honestly think that I've got nothing better to do with my time than listen to Dennis?" Naboo stops staring at me and runs downstairs. I take the opportunity to tip the food into the bin, not caring about what Naboo will say.

The same voices float upstairs, now having a conversation with Naboo.

"Thanks, Saboo, I really appreciate it."

"No problem, Naboo. I know this must be hard for you."

"You're right there. It's so stressful, I sometimes think about just giving up." I freeze. Straining, I try to hear more of the conversation.

"What would you do with him, though?"

"I don't know. Anyway, Howard would kill me for sending his best mate away."

"Naboo, if it gets too much, just say."

"Thanks."

"Oh, will you stop with the gooey love stuff? Saboo, just give him the stuff and lets go!"

"You're quite welcome to go whenever you wish."

"That's not fair, you know I can't travel on my own!"

"Oh yes, I forgot you're a pink bladder."

"I'll have you know that once won a beauty contest back on Xooberon!"

"Of course you did Tony."

"Do you want to go?"

"No, I…Look, I'll take him then I'll come back, ok? We need to talk." The voices stop and I hear Naboo coming back upstairs.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

"Vince, where's your lunch?" Naboo asks as soon as he gets upstairs. I don't reply. "Vincent, answer me."

"Would you really give up on me?"

"Oh, Vince…of course not! I didn't mean what I said."

"Why did you say it then?"

"I don't know, I just…I'm under a lot of stress at the moment Vince, but I would never give up on you."

"Really?"

"Really. Ok?"

"Ok."

"Vince…" He begins, almost pleading.

"What?" I ask, instantly on guard.

"I've got a…friend coming over. Another shaman. He was one of the djs at Howard's party, remember?"

"The pink testicle with tentacles?"

"No, the other one."

"The one with the weird beard and feathers in his hat?"

"Yeah. And his beard isn't weird." He says, a little too defensively.

"Whatever."

"He might want to talk to you about the food, and the self-harm. Is that ok?"

"Yeah…yeah, that's fine." He looks relieved.

"What time will he be here?"

"He'll be here any minute. Are you sure you're ok with this?"

"Yes, I'm sure." A voice comes from downstairs.

"Naboo?"


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

A look of panic crosses Naboo's face at the sound of the voice.

"Naboo?" He regains his composure.

"I'll be right down." Running downstairs, he trips on a few steps. I hear them have a brief conversation, then he comes back upstairs, accompanied by another shaman. I study him briefly, trying to work out who he is.

He's tall, about the same height as Howard, and I think he's older than Naboo. His beard is weird, no matter what Naboo says, and he's wearing exactly the same outfit as he was when he was at Howard's party, right down to the feathered hat. Naboo speaks, pulling me from my thoughts.

"Vince, this is Saboo, Saboo, this is Vince." The shaman steps towards me. I stand up, ready to defend myself, but he just extends his hand for me to shake. I take it nervously.

"Vince, it's good to see you again." I nod, unable to speak.

"Would you like a drink, Saboo?"

"I'm fine, thank you Naboo."

"Ok then, take a seat." I stand there, unsure of what to do. "Vince? Are you coming?"

"Yeah, I am." I follow them to the sofa and sit down. I feel awkward, somehow out of place.

"Vince, I want you to know that Saboo is my oldest, most trusted friend. You can tell him anything, and he won't tell anyone unless you ask him to, ok?" I nod, feeling a little less awkward.

"Actually, Naboo, I was wondering if I could chat to Vince alone? If it's ok with both of you?"

"Vince, are you ok with that?"

"Yeah, I'm fine with it."

"Ok, then. I'll be in the shop if you need me."


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

"So, Vince, I'm going to ask you some questions and I'd like you to answer them as honestly as you can. Do you think you can do that?" I nod, slightly annoyed that this stranger is talking to me as though I'm a toddler. "Good. Now, is there anything you'd like to ask me before we start?" After a moment of thought, I reply.

"Why are you here? Talking to me?" He looks slightly surprised by the question.

"Well, I know I've only met you a few times before, but I'm a good friend of Naboo's. He cares about you, and, though it may seem unlikely, so do I."

"Care about me? You hardly know me!"

"Be that as it may, I still care." I don't respond. "Do you mind if we begin?"

"No." He smiles.

"Thank you. Do you live here?" I'm confused by how obvious the question seems.

"Yes." He smiles again.

"Who do you live with?" I almost roll my eyes. Does he think I'm a toddler?

"Howard, Naboo and Bollo."

"Oh yes, I believe I've met Howard. Naboo and Bollo I know, obviously."

"Obviously."

"Have any of those people ever done anything to harm you?"

"What?" I ask, outraged.

"Has Howard, Naboo or Bollo ever done anything to deliberately harm you in any way?" His voice is infuriatingly calm.

"No, of course not!"

"Vince, there's no need to shout. I need to ask these questions, but if you don't want to answer any of them, just say."

"Ok." I mutter. He smiles again.

"Good. Naboo tells me you've been having some trouble with food lately?"

"And?"

"Could you tell me about it?"

"I just don't like food."

"Do you really think that's all it is?"

"I don't know. There might be something else, but I don't know what."

"Ok. You've been having some self- harm problems as well?" I hesitate this time.

"Yes…"

"Do you feel comfortable telling me about it?"

"There's not much to tell, really. Cutting. It started the same time as the food problems."

"Ok. Naboo told me about your family." I can see him studying me while he says this. "Is that alright?"

"I suppose so." His face lights up.

"Good, I'm glad. Is there anything you want to ask before I get Naboo?" I shake my head. "Ok then." He disappears downstairs into the shop.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

The tall shaman returned upstairs several minutes later, followed by an apprehensive-looking Naboo.

"How did it go? Are you ok?" The tiny shaman asks frantically. I just nod.

"It went well." Naboo looks relived at his answer, as though he didn't really expect it.

"Good, good. Saboo, I…would you…I mean, erm…" He blusters.

"I'd better be going. Dennis needs me to plan for the meeting tonight. I don't have to go, though. Do you?" He smiles slightly.

"The meeting! I'd forgotten! I'm really meant to go…" I feel a pang of guilt when he says this.

"Just go, Naboo. I'll be fine." I say, but I already know the answer.

"No, Vince. You know I wouldn't do that. I'll just have to miss it."

"No you don't." The tall shaman speaks suddenly.

"What do you mean?" Naboo asks, confused.

"I could come and stay with Vince if you wanted. That way, you could go to the meeting. That is, if it's alright with you both." He looks nervous, as though he's eager to gain approval.

"That's fine with me, but are you ok with it Vince?" I consider it for a minute, mentally listing all the ways to defend myself or escape if I need to.

"Yeah, that's fine."

"Great! That's great. Thank you so much, Saboo, you're an absolute lifesaver!" He looks as though he wants to hug the tall man, but stops himself just in time. "Thank you so much!"


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

Naboo's ready to go out, fussing over us like a mother hen. "Saboo, are you sure you don't mind?"

"Of course I'm sure! I don't think you should be asking me, though." Naboo looks confused for a moment.

"Oh!" He turns to me. "Vince, are you sure you don't mind?"

"Yes, I'm sure." I can see him studying me as I answer.

"Ok then." He says, a hint of uncertainty in his voice.

"Go on, you'll be late!" Saboo ushers him out the door with a chuckle.

"Bye, then. Have fun!" He waves cheerily. I wave back, slightly less cheerily.

"Bye!" Saboo calls, closing the door.

"Bye…" I murmur. I suddenly feel extremely unsafe. Keeping my eyes on the tall shaman, I back away until I feel a wall behind me. He turns around.

"Vince? What are you doing?" I don't answer. "Vince?" Shaking my head, I sink to the floor, still against the wall. I curl up, my eyes not leaving Saboo. He walks over slowly. "Vince? Vince, what's wrong?"

"No…" I shrink away from him.

"No what, Vince?"

"Leave me alone. Just leave me alone."

"Why, Vince? Why do you want me to leave you alone?"

"Leave me alone!"

"No. I'm not going to leave you alone, Vince."

"Why? Why won't you just leave me alone? I haven't done anything!"

"What do you mean?"

"I haven't done anything, just leave me alone!"

"Vince…" He begins. But he doesn't finish.

I hit him.

Before I realise what I'm doing, I hit him. He doesn't look angry, just surprised.

"Vince, why did you…" But again, he doesn't finish. I freeze for a minute, then run into the room Naboo and I share, slamming the door behind me.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

"Vince…please come out…" Saboo pleads as he knocks softly. There's no lock, but I'm sitting with my back against the door, making it impossible for him to open it. "Vince, just come out and talk to me, please."

"No!" I shout, crying.

"Please, Vince." I shake my head, even though he can't see me. "Vince, come out."

"No!"

"Vince…" His voice is strained now.

"I'm not coming out!" I hear him stand up and walk away, sighing.

Time passes, but I've no idea how much. I've left the door now, and I'm curled up in a corner of the room. I hear footsteps approaching the door. I can tell that it's more than one person, but I can't tell exactly how many. Panicking, I try to work out who it is. I fight the urge to stiffen my body, knowing that any blows will be worse if my muscles are tense.

"Vince, please come out."

Naboo.

"No." It's somehow harder to say no to him.

"Vince, if you don't come out, I'll come in."

"I don't want to." I say stubbornly.

"Vince…"

"I'm not coming out!" I shout, interrupting him.

"Fine." The door opens and he comes in. I see people outside the room, but he closes the door before I can look at them properly.

"Why are you here?"

"I'm here because Saboo had to come to the meeting I was in and bring me back here. I thought you trusted him Vince! You told me you were alright with me leaving you with him!" He sounds sad, disappointed, and…angry? I can't remember him ever being angry with me. "Why did you lie to me Vince?"

"I had to, or you wouldn't have gone to the meeting, and you said it was important. If I'd told you the truth, you would have stayed here!"

"Oh, Vince…" His face softens.

"I wasn't trying to make you angry, I promise!"

"I'm not angry, Vince. You shouldn't have lied to me, though."

"Sorry Naboo." I mumble, my head hung. He smiles.

"It's ok. Are you feeling better?" I nod. "Good. There are some people I want you to meet. They're very supportive, and I think they'll be able to help."

"Who are they?"

"Come and see." He says mysteriously, walking towards the door.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

I stand up and follow him cautiously. He smiles at me, then opens the door.

Outside, there are at least 10 people. I recognise a few of them. The Head Shaman, the pink thing with tentacles, and Saboo. I hang my head when I see him. I can't believe I hit him. I feel terrible. What is Fiona was right? What if I am evil? What if I don't deserve any of this? What if it was all my fault?

A hand under my chin brings me back to reality. It lifts my head up and I open my eyes. Saboo looks down at me, smiling.

"Hello." He says softly.

"Saboo, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hit you, I promise…" He stops me by putting a gentle finger to my lips.

"Shh, Vince. It's fine. You were scared, you didn't know what you were doing. It wasn't your fault."

"Yes it was. It was all my fault, all of it…"

"No." he cuts in. "It was not your fault. I know that, and deep down, so do you. Now, should I let Naboo introduce you?" I nod, sniffing. I hadn't even realised I was crying. He smiles again, then goes back to the others. Naboo comes over to me and places a hand on my shoulder.

"Vince, this is The Board Of Shaman."


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

"Dennis you know, obviously." The tall shaman nods. Naboo lowers his voice. "Don't worry, I made him leave his sword at HQ." He raises his voice to normal level. "Saboo, you know. This" he says, gesturing to a pink, squid-like thing "is Tony Harrison."

"Alright?" It asks. Actually, I think it's a he.

"This is Diane." He points to a green witch, who smiles warmly at me. "This is Kolet" (a man with blonde dreadlocks) "Jyrgal" (a man with blue eyes) "Kulap" (a man with blonde hair) "Aram" (a man with blue-green eyes) "Kioni" (a woman with red hair) "Parri" (a man wearing a hat) "Chepi" (a woman with glasses and round eyes) "and Mereki" (a man with black curly hair). I nod, trying to take it all in.

"Are you ok?" Naboo whispers, concern clear in his voice.

"I'm fine."

"Really?"

"Yes, really."

"Good. I think you'll get on with them. Do you want to go and chat?" I nod. "Ok. Don't take anything Tony says too seriously, he's an idiot." I smile at this. "Do you want me to come with you?"

"No, but could you stay close?"

"Of course. I'll be in the kitchen if you need me." As he leaves, I take a deep breath and turn back to the crowd.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

There's silence for a few moments.

"We won't bite, Vince." Saboo chuckles. I smile slightly. All of the others are looking at him, even the head shaman. "Shall we go and sit down?" I nod.

"Vince, we know you're nervous and scared, so you don't have to talk about anything you don't want to. We can talk about anything you want; it doesn't have to be anything important. Is that ok?" I nod. He smiles.

"You can talk, you know." The pink thing says.

"Tony…" He sighs.

"What? What's wrong?" He demands.

"Just shut up."

"Why?"

"Just do it, Tony." One of the shamans interrupts. I think his name is Mereki. He turns to Saboo. "Ignore him. You know what he's like."

"It's fine." I speak for the first time.

"No it isn't." Saboo says. "He has no right to talk to you like that. You shouldn't listen to him though. He's got fewer brains than a mollusc. Well he technically is a shell-less mollusc."

"A mollusc?"

"A kind of sea creature. Some have shells, like mussels and oysters. Some don't, like octopi, squids, and him."

"I am not a mollusc!"

"Yes you are." We all say in unison. No-one speaks for a moment. Then we look at each other, and we burst out laughing.


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

"So Naboo won't let you out?" Kulap asks. "That's insane!"

"Kulap, I'm sure Naboo has his reasons." Saboo says.

"What reason could he have for keeping Vince under house arrest?"

"He isn't under house arrest."

"What would you call it?" Jyrgal demands.

"He says it's for my own safety." I interject.

"But it isn't healthy." Kulap persists.

"What if we took you out?" Parri says suddenly.

"What, all of you?"

"Yeah. Naboo can't say you're unsafe if you've got 10 shamen and a squid with you."

"I am not a squid!" Tony yells. Everyone ignores him. I consider the offer.

"I suppose so. I can't ask him, though."

"Why not?" Saboo asks.

"There's no way he'd say yes to me. One of you has to ask him."

"We'll do it." Kulap and Jyrgal say in almost perfect unison.

"Are you sure?" Kioni asks. "No offence, but this is a sensitive issue and you two aren't the most sensitive people."

"What do you mean?" Kulap exclaims.

"We're very sensitive!" Jyrgal continues.

"What do you think, Vince?" Kulap asks.

"I think you should try."

"Are you sure, Vince?" Saboo asks.

"Yes. It's worth a try, at least." They grin.

"Brilliant. Naboo!"


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

The tiny shaman runs in.

"What? What's wrong? What happened? Where's Vince?" He looks around, panicking.

"I'm here, Naboo, and I'm fine."

"Then what's wrong? Who shouted?"

"That would be us."

"Why?" Naboo demands, visibly calmer.

"We need to talk."

"About you."

"And Vince."

"And his house arrest."

"He isn't under house arrest. And stop doing that."

"If you won't let him out, he's under house arrest."

"No he isn't."

"Yes he is."

"No he isn't."

"Get to the point, you two." Chepi interrupts.

"Naboo, we have a proposal."

"Sweet as your love is, I really don't see how it involves me."

"Naboo, we are friends."

"He's only winding you up." Mereki says. "Just say what you have to say."

"Naboo, you want what's best for Vince, don't you?"

"Of course!"

"So, what do you think of us taking Vince out for a day? It's not as though he'd be unsafe; he'd have all of us with him at all times. So, what do you say?"

"I don't know."

"Saboo, I give my word as head of the board of shamen that Vince will be safe with us."

"Dennis, can I be brutally honest with you?"

"Of course, Naboo."

"Your word means nothing to me."

"That's hurtful, Naboo."

"That also means nothing to me."

"Shut up, Dennis." Saboo interrupts. He moves to stand in front of Naboo. "I give my word, Naboo. He'll be safe, I promise." I can see Naboo thinking it over.

"Vince, is this what you want?" I nod. "Ok then. But" he turns to the group. "if anything happens, I will make sure that each and every one of you dies a slow and painful death. Do you understand?" They all nod. "Good."


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

"Are you sure you're ok with this, Vince?" Naboo asks.

"Yes, I'm sure."

"And you're ok with me not coming with you?"

"Yes."

"And you feel safe enough around the shamen to spend time with them?"

"Yes." He looks me in the eye.

"Do you promise?"

"I promise."

"Okay then. They should be here any minute."

"Naboo!" Shouts one of the shamen from the shop downstairs.

"We're upstairs!" He shouts back. There's a thundering of feet, then 10 shamen appear in our sitting room.

"Where's Tony?" I ask.

"He doesn't have legs, he'd be pretty useless." Kolet says.

"Fair enough."

"Ok, if anything happens you know how to get to me, don't you?"

"Yes Naboo."

"And you'll keep me updated on what you're doing and where you are?"

"Yes Naboo."

"And"

"Naboo, we'll be fine." Saboo interrupts.

"Ok then. Have fun!" He waves as we walk out. I wave back as we close the door behind us.

"Do you want to know the real reason Tony isn't here?"

"I thought it was because of his lack of legs?"

"No. He got drunk and high last night and he's still recovering."

"Oh. Do all shamen do drugs, or is it just him?"

"Most do, but he does more than most."

"Oh."

"So, Vince, how are you?" Kioni asks.

"Not bad." I reply. "A bit better." She smiles warmly.

"Glad to hear it."


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30

"Vince…Vince…" I hear a soft voice. It seems to be far away, but it's getting closer. I move my head. "He's coming round!" The voice calls out. I open my eyes.

"What's going on?"

"Well, what do you remember?" I can tell now that the voice is Saboo's.

"I was walking…you were all there…then I started remembering and now this." I can see that Saboo wants to ask more but he doesn't.

"Ok. I think we'd best take you home. Can you stand?"

"I think so." I say. But when I try to, my legs collapse beneath me. Saboo catches me as I fall.

"I guess not." With that, he lifts me up and begins to walk, calling for the other shamen to follow him.

"Saboo? What are you doing?"

"You can't walk, Vince, so I'm carrying you." He says, still walking.

"I can walk!" He looks down at me, one eyebrow raised.

"Really? I think that previous attempts suggest otherwise." I don't reply.

As we approach the house, Saboo turns to Dennis, who is walking alongside him.

"Dennis, get the door." Dennis obeys. "Thank you." He turns to the crowd of shamen. "When we go in, I need you all to do as I say. Naboo will, understandably, be upset. If I tell you to go, you have to. Understood?" They all nod. "Good." He walks inside, and they follow.


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31

Naboo's waiting when we get back.

"What happened?" He yelps, jumping up.

"Naboo, just stay calm…" Saboo begins.

"You're carrying the man that is like a son to me, and you want me to stay calm? Tell me what happened!"

"I'll explain in a minute. Aram, come with me. The rest of you, go."

"But Saboo…" Kioni argues.

"I said go." He replies firmly. They all leave apart from Aram. Saboo, still carrying me, walks out of the room.

"Where are we going?" I ask sleepily.

"You're going to bed. You've had a long day, you need sleep."

"What about you?"

"I'm going to talk to Naboo"

When we get to the bedroom door, Aram opens it. Saboo walks in and puts me down on the bed.

"Try to sleep, Vince." He pulls the covers up to my chin. "Please."

"Saboo, he'll be angry."

"I know, little one, but he has every right to be."

"But he shouldn't be angry with you! It was my fault, all my fault…"

"No it wasn't. It wasn't anyone's fault. Now go to sleep."

"Ok. Bye, Saboo." I watch him leave then close my eyes


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32

"…can't believe you let him get hurt…trusted you…" I stir, trying to work out what's going on. Then I remember.

I remembered, Saboo carried me, Naboo's angry, I'm in bed, it's my fault, it's all my fault.

"All my fault, it's all my fault…"

"Shh. Calm down, Vince. Nothing was your fault. Saboo told you, it wasn't anyone's fault." I look towards the owner of the voice. Brown, floppy hair, green robes, blue-green eyes…

"Aram?" He smiles.

"That's right, Vince."

"What are you doing here?"

"Saboo asked me to keep an eye on you. I should probably tell him you're awake?" He stands up and begins to leave.

"Aram, wait." He turns. "Why does he care? Naboo?"

"Oh, Vince." He smiles softly, and a little sadly. "He cares for you. You're his child in all but blood."

"Oh." He turns and walks out. The shouting stops. A few moments later, Naboo and Saboo run in. They both rush to the side of the bed.

"How are you?" Naboo asks.

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure. Are you still angry with Saboo?"

"Why would you think I was angry with Saboo?"

"You were shouting at him."

"You could hear that?" I nod. He sighs.

"Vince, I'm not angry at Saboo. I was upset and scared, and I took it out on him, which was wrong." He turns to Saboo. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine. You reacted in a perfectly understandable way."

"So you aren't angry at him?"

"No." They both reply.

"Good."


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter 33

"Can I get up now?"

"Of course! You need to eat something anyway."

"Actually, maybe I should stay here…"

"Vince, you have to eat something."

"But I don't want to!"

"It's not whether you want to or not, you have to."

"Saboo…"

"He's right, little one. You have to eat. Come on."

"I don't want to eat."

"Vincent, we don't want to make you. Come on."

"No."

They exchange a look, and then a strong pair of arms is lifting me up.

"Saboo! Put me down!"

"No can do, little one. You have to eat."

"I'm not hungry."

"You have to eat."

"Why?"

"Because if you don't I won't put you down."

"What? That's not fair! Put me down!"

"Will you eat something if I do?"

"Yes! Yes, just put me down!"

He carries me through to the sitting room then sets me down, smiling.

"Now." he begins, looking me in the eye. "You are going to eat something. Understand?"

"Yes." I mutter. He smiles.

"Good."

"Why don't I get the other shamen over? We can eat together."

"What do you think, Vince?" Saboo asks.

"Sounds fun." I nod.

"Great, I'll tell them to be here in about half an hour."

"Ok, then."


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 34

"Naboo, they're here!" Saboo calls from the shop.

"Ok, send them up!" He shouts back then turns to me. "You don't have to eat much, but you have to eat something. The shamen know, so they won't say anything, ok?" I nod. "Good."

"So, Vince, what kind of music do you listen to?" Parri queries.

"Glam rock, mostly. David Bowie's amazing!"

"Have you heard A Reality Tour?"

"Yeah! It's brilliant!"

"What's your favourite Bowie song?" Diane asks.

"I don't know. They're all brilliant!" She smiles. "I can't believe you guys have heard of Bowie! That's awesome!"

"We are awesome." Saboo says, making us laugh. "What's so funny?" He asks in a mock-serious tone. "We are awesome!"

"Well, I am." Naboo says. "You're, well, you."

"Oi! If anyone is awesome, it's me! You're a midget!"

"I'm not short, you're tall!"

"What, me and every other humanoid?"

"No, there's Alan."

"Alan?"

"The Blue King, on Xooberon."

"Yeah, he is pretty tiny. So, there's one being in all of existence that's shorter than you? Anyway, what's wrong with me?"

"Would you like a list?" They both dissolve into giggles.


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35

"You were hypnotised by a yeti? Naboo, how come we've never heard about this?" Kulap exclaimed, grinning.

"It's not something I thought you would want to hear."

"Why wouldn't I want to hear about that? The great Naboo the Enigma, in a trance? Is that your weakness, then?"

"What do you mean?" I ask, confused.

"Naboo the Enigma is rumoured to have only one weakness, but no-one knows what it is. We've been trying to find out for over a century!"

"Oh, that. He's ticklish."

"What? No I'm not! Vince!" Naboo yelps as Kulap and Jyrgal pounce on him, tickling him until he's lying on the floor, begging for mercy.

"Thank you, Vince, we are forever indebted to you." Jyrgal grins. I grin back.

"How come you know that?" Saboo asks.

"I have my ways. Some things have to be kept secret." I say mysteriously.

"Why couldn't you have kept the fact that I'm ticklish secret?" Naboo moans, finally sitting up again.

"Some things have to be shared. It's for the greater good. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one. All's fair in love and war, Naboo."

"All's fair in love and war? That's a quote from Euphues! How do you know quotes from renaissance literature?"

"As I said, I have my ways."

"The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one? Naboo, never mind Euphues, he quoted Star Trek!" Jyrgal exclaims. I chuckle.

"I know, I'm awesome."


	36. Chapter 36

Chapter 36

I hear Naboo and Saboo having a whispered conversation later that evening, when the other shamen have left. "Did you see him actually eat anything?"

"No, did you?"

"No. He wouldn't do that, though. Would he?"

"If he did, it wouldn't be his fault. Yes, it would be him doing it, but he wouldn't do it deliberately. He wouldn't hurt you like that." My stomach twists at this. I don't want to hurt Naboo, but I can't eat. It's not that I don't want to, I just can't.

"Vincent." I hear Naboo call. I hate it when he calls me Vincent. It's never anything good. "Vincent." He says, appearing in the doorway.

"What?" He stands in front of my chair. For someone so small, he's very good at towering over me.

"Did you actually eat anything?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure about that, Vincent?" He asks, his voice dangerously low.

"Yes…" I say, a little less confidently.

"Look at me, Vincent." I tilt my head up so he can see my face. "Let me try something else. Why didn't you eat?"

"I did."

"Vincent, I've told you before. I can tell when you're lying, so don't bother." I look away, defeated.

"I couldn't." I whisper.

"Why not?"

"I don't know, I just couldn't."

"Oh, Vince…"

"I know, it was stupid, and unhealthy, and I'll make myself ill, but I just couldn't. I'm sorry, Naboo."

"It's ok. It's not your fault. You really need to try, though."

"I know."

"Good. Now, eat this." He says, handing me a small sandwich. Just looking at it makes me feel sick.

"Naboo…"

"Vince, you said you'd try. So try."

"Ok."


	37. Chapter 37

Chapter 37

It's Julia's birthday today. She would have been 31 today. Is. She is 31 today. I wonder if she's happy? I hope she is. I wonder what she does for a living? I wonder if she's got a partner, or children?

She'd have to have a dog. She loved the dog when she was little. Their dog. He was a white Scottish terrier called Mack. She adored him. Spoilt him rotten. They were inseparable. She must have been so upset when he died.

31. I try to picture her, but I can hardly remember. Blonde hair, I think, and blue eyes. She was beautiful. Is. The most beautiful person in the world. I could never see heras anything less, no matter how hard I tried.

There are pictures from long ago, before I left. They're hidden, so only I know where they are. But I can't look at them without crying.

After a while, though, I can't resist. I go into my old room and begin to search. When I find the little red book, I just hold it for a moment, looking at it. There's no picture in the cover.

Flicking through, I almost smile as the tears stream down my cheeks. As I near the end of the album, something falls onto the bed next to me. I stare down, smiling properly now.

A blade.

Rolling up my trouser leg, I carve 31 deep lines into my leg.

"Vince?" I hear Naboo call from downstairs. Replacing the blade and the album, I run down to the shop, counting each stair.

31.


	38. Chapter 38

Chapter 38

"Vince?" Naboo calls again.

"I'm here." He turns around.

"Where have you been?"

"Upstairs."

"Doing what?"

"Straightening my hair." I lie quickly.

"Your hair isn't straightened." He points out.

"The straighteners aren't working." He gives me a look, but doesn't say anything.

"Saboo and the gang asked if they could come round later, but I haven't answered yet. I thought I should ask you first. What do you say?"

"Yeah, that's fine."

"Great!" He grins. "Have you eaten yet?" I look away. "Vincent."

"No." I mutter.

"Eat."

"Naboo…"

"You have to eat, Vincent. I'll make something."

"Yes Naboo." I trudge back upstairs. A few minutes later, he calls me into the kitchen.

"Vince! Food's ready!" I make a face, but go anyway.

Sitting down, I glare at the plate of food, then at Naboo's back. He's not facing me. Maybe I could get the food to the bin without him noticing…

"Don't even think about it." Naboo says, still facing away.

"How did you…?"

"Shaman, remember?"

"Oh yeah." I begin eating, feeling sick from the first bite. When I finish, I push the plate away. Naboo looks so proud.

"They should be here soon."

"The shamen?"

"Yes."

"Ok."

"I need to talk to Saboo about something. Do you mind if I leave you with the other shamen for a while? I won't go far."

"Yeah, that's fine. What do you need to talk to him about?"

"Oh, just some boring stuff."

"Ok." I say suspiciously.

"Everything's fine, Vince. Shall we go and wait for them?"

"Ok."


	39. Chapter 39

Chapter 39

"Hi, Vince. How've you been?" Saboo asks when he arrives.

"Fine." I give my usual answer then try to steer away from the topic. "How about you?" The change of subject doesn't go unnoticed.

"I'm fine, but that's not important. How've you really been?" I sigh.

"Not bad. I ate something." His face breaks into a huge grin.

"Great!" He turns to Naboo. "Can we put the carpets round the back?"

"Of course." Saboo leaves the shop, returning a few minutes later with the rest of the shamen.

"We won't go far, ok?" Naboo says. I nod. "Just stay here, we won't be long." I nod again. He leaves, with Saboo following closely behind.

"What are they doing?" Tony Harrison asks as soon as they're gone.

"I don't know."

"What, you have no idea?"

"Naboo just said they were talking."

"About what?"

"He didn't say."

"You didn't ask?"

"Leave him alone, Tony." Parri calls. "He doesn't need to know. None of the rest of us do, and he's just a kid."

"I'm not a kid! I'm 23!"

"That's a baby to us. Kulap and Jyrgal are the youngest here, and they're both 327."

"I'm older than him!"

"No you're not!"

"Yes I am!"

"Stop it!" Mereki cuts in. "You may not be a child in your race, but you would be in ours. Do you understand?"

"I think so." He smiles.

"Good."


	40. Chapter 40

Chapter 40

"We need to talk." I hate it when he says that. "Sit down." I sit, feeling terrified. "Is there something you need to talk about?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Why?"

"You've been acting strangely, that's all. Are you sure there's nothing wrong?"

"Yes I'm sure."

"Ok then." He says, eyeing me oddly. "If you're sure."

When he's gone, I finally let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. What if he knows? What if he can tell? But he can't…can he? What if he can? What if he knows about what I did? What if they all know? What if everyone knows? They can't, how could they? But what if they do?

"Vince!" Naboo's voice jerks me from my thoughts.

"Naboo? What's wrong?"

"You were shaking and muttering. What happened?"

"Nothing!" I shout without realising. "Nothing." I say, my voice calmer.

"That was not nothing. What happened?"

"Nothing, I just came over a bit funny, that's all. I'm fine." He looks at me, obviously not believing me, then walks out.

I've done it now. He's properly annoyed. I hate it when he's like this. It's worse when he's quiet. I wish he'd just shout, or scream, or do something. Anything.


	41. Chapter 41

Chapter 41

"Vincent." I turn my head to see Saboo in the doorway. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'm fine!"

"You and I both know that's not true, so you may as well save time and tell me now."

"I just came over a bit funny, that's all."

"Vincent…"

"Nothing is wrong!" I shout. He continues to speak calmly, his voice even.

"Vincent, it's quite clear that that's not true. Tell me what's wrong."

"Why? What's the point? There's nothing you can do!"

"Maybe not, but telling someone will make you feel better."

"No it won't."

"Yes it will. Tell me."

"I always feel a bit rubbish around this time. It's no big deal."

"It's obvious that it is a big deal. What do you mean, around this time?" I mumble my response. "What was that?"

"Around the time of Julia's birthday."

"Oh, Vince. I know how hard it must be for you. Is it today?" I nod.

"She's 31. I haven't seen her since she was about 15." He pulls me into a hug.

"It'll get better, I promise."

"People always say that."

"I'm not people. It will get better."


	42. Chapter 42

Chapter 42

Later that night, I hear Naboo and Saboo whispering angrily in the hallway.

"We can't!"

"We have to."

"It's not our place."

"Our place is wherever keeps him safest." They're talking about me.

"It could make things worse."

"But it could make things a hundred times better."

"What if it doesn't?"

"What if it does?" I hear a sigh. "If there's even the slightest chance it could make things better, we should try. We have to." What? What do they have to try?

"You're right, of course."

"Of course."

"Has he…done anything?"

"Not that I know of." My stomach twists with guilt.

"We could always cast a few spells, or slip him a few potions, then we could know if he ever did."

"We can't. It would be wrong."

"What if it made him safer?"

"It's an invasion of his privacy."

"His safety comes first."

"I suppose." Another sigh. "What should we use?"

"A Sui Cognitione Nocentibus, I think." A Sui Congi-what?

"Spell version or potion version?"

"Potion. It'll be easier."

"I still think it's wrong."

"It'll keep him safe."

"I suppose…"

"We have to."

"Ok. We'll have to slip it into a drink, or something."

"Seems like a good idea. Mix it with a Perducat Somnus. An Adducere Dormiunt would react."

"I know. I'm a shaman too, you know."


	43. Chapter 43

Chapter 43

What are they talking about? What are they going to do? What did they mean? What were those words? A Perducat Somnus and a Sui Congi-something. What did they mean by potions? What if…No, they wouldn't. But what if they do? What if they try to…hurt me? I knew this would happen. I knew they would, one day. Everyone does. Everyone always does, and everyone always will.

"Vince? Vince? I knew it, I knew this would happen. Why didn't I keep an eye on him? Vince?"

"Naboo?"

"You were shaking and muttering again. I was worried."

"Sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry. You didn't do anything wrong."

"But I made you worried. That was bad. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, I'm sorry, Naboo!"

"Vince, calm down. Listen to me. You have done nothing wrong. It wasn't your fault. You are not in trouble. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Naboo." I lie.

"Really? Or are you just saying that?" He can always tell. How can he tell?

"I understand."

"No you don't." Oh, great. Saboo can do it, too. Is it part of being a shaman? "You're just scared. It's alright to not understand. We aren't going to do anything to you. Nothing is going to happen to you. What happened was not your fault. You are not in trouble. Do you understand?" I nod. "Good."


	44. Chapter 44

Chapter 44

"When was the last time you slept properly?" Naboo asks as I stifle a yawn. I open my mouth to say something, but he stops me. "The truth, Vincent."

"A few days ago?"

"A few days ago? Why didn't you say anything?" I just shrug. He leaves the room, returning a few minutes later with a steaming cup. "Drink this." He commands, handing it to me.

"No." I say, backing away from him.

"What do you…" Naboo begins, but Saboo stops him, noticing what's happening.

"Vince…Vince, it's alright, it's me, calm down. You're fine, you're safe, nothing's going to happen to you. Just calm down." He says softly, inching towards me. "Deep breaths, in and out. Calm down." I nod, relaxing. "Now. What's wrong?"

"I'm not drinking it."

"Why?"

"I heard you two talking. I'm not drinking it."

"What did you hear?" Naboo becomes suddenly alert.

"Half of it sounded like nonsense. Perducat Suminus, or something."

"Perducat Somnus." Saboo corrects.

"Is that Xooberonian?"

"No, it's Latin. Loads of spells and potions are in Latin."

"What does it mean?"

"It's a sleep potion. Just drink it, Vince, please. You need to sleep." Saboo sighs.

"What about the other one? The Adducere Dormiunt?"

"Another sleep potion."

"Which one is that?" I ask, gesturing towards the cup.

"Perducat Somnus. Drink it." He says in a voice that leaves no room for argument. I obey, then close my eyes and fall.


	45. Chapter 45

Chapter 45

"How much did you give him?"

"Not enough to have it take effect that quickly!" Naboo yelps.

"Did you put the Sui Cognitione Nocentibus in?"

"Yes, of course!"

"Are you sure it was a Perducat Somnus? You didn't put an Adducere Dormiunt in by mistake?"

"I know I'm freelance, but I'm not an idiot. Of course it was Perducat Somnus!"

"Calm down, I was only asking! Hang on a minute, though…"

"What? You've got that look on, you've worked something out. What is it?"

"He's faking."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean he's not asleep."

"What? How?"

"He knew. He knew there was something else. He pretended to fall asleep to try and find out more. That" I can tell he's speaking to me now. "was wrong."


	46. Chapter 46

Chapter 46

"Why did you do it?"

"You were right. I wanted to find out about that…potion you were talking about."

"The sleeping potion?"

"No, the other one. The Sui Coginito-thing."

"Sui Cognitione Nocentibus. It'll keep you safe."

"How?"

"It'll let us know if you get hurt."

"You could just ask."

"Would you tell us?" I hesitate. "Exactly. That's why we're using the Sui Cognitione Nocentibus."

"What if I say no?"

"Why would you say no?"

"What if I don't want you knowing?"

"Why wouldn't you want that?"

"What if I want my privacy?"

"We have an obligation, Vince. We have to do whatever keeps you safest, whether you like it or not." He studies me. "Something's wrong. You're hiding something. What are you hiding?"

"Nothing, I'm not hiding anything!"

"Don't lie to me, Vincent. What are you hiding?"

"Nothing!"

"If you don't tell me, I'll find out for myself."

"What do you mean? I'm not hiding anything!"

"Ostende Serinissimam Repens Sui Ipsius Iromeritus."

"What was that? What did you do?" He glares at me.

"Bed. Now. We'll talk later." Saboo says in a voice I've never heard him use. Like he's holding back an unimaginable amount of anger. I turn and leave quickly, terrified.


	47. Chapter 47

Chapter 47

The sleep potion takes effect fairly quickly, and I fall asleep almost as soon as I lie down. The nightmares are dark and disturbing. I don't normally have them when Naboo gives me a potion, though. Maybe something went wrong? Maybe I'm in trouble, and he's doing it on purpose? Maybe he was so annoyed, he wanted the nightmares to come? Maybe he's just doing it because he feels like it? People have done that before, hurt me just to see me upset or in pain. For fun.

Naboo wouldn't do that, though. Would he? It's not safe to trust people, I should know that by now. Trusting is stupid, and dangerous, and wrong. It only gets you hurt. But he wouldn't. Naboo wouldn't do that. He couldn't.

"You're awake." Saboo states. He's standing in the doorway. I back into the wall, my head bowed. Naboo might have promised not to hurt me, but I haven't know Saboo for that long. I don't know what he'll do. He walks over to the bed. "We need to talk." I back further away from him. "Stay still." I freeze. "Why did you do it?"

"I wanted to know ab…"

"Not faking sleep. We'll talk about that later. There's something more important."


	48. Chapter 48

Chapter 48

"Why didn't you tell someone?"

"What do you mean?" I ask, confused.

"Your leg. Why didn't you tell someone? Me, or Naboo, or anyone?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yes you do. Why didn't you say anything?"

"No, I don't. Just leave me alone, Saboo."

"No. Now tell me why you didn't say anything."

"It's nothing to do with you."

"Yes it is. I care about you. Tell me, Vincent."

"I didn't want you to find out."

"Why not?"

"Because you would've thought I was weak."

"Why would I think that?"

"Because I gave in."

"You aren't weak. You shouldn't have done it, though."

"I know. But I had to. I deserved it."

"You did not deserve it. Why would you think that?"

"Julia and Noelle. After everything I did to them, I deserve it."

"You do not."

"I do."

"You don't. When will you realise? You don't deserve to be hurt. The past is the past, it's gone. You have to stop punishing yourself."

"I hurt them. Why shouldn't I be hurt?"

"You don't deserve it."

"And they did?"

"No, but that was then. You were a child. You have to stop hurting yourself because of your past."

"I didn't stop. I never stopped."

"You did, though. You stopped. You left. You left and didn't go back. You could have been killed, a child sleeping rough in London, but you didn't go back. You stopped."


	49. Chapter 49

Chapter 49

I love mornings. I used to hate them, and refused to get out of bed before noon. But now, mornings are my time. They're the only time I get to myself. It doesn't happen very often, but, sometimes, I wake up hours before Naboo will, and I'm finally free. I don't think I could bear all of this if I didn't get these mornings.

I know it's all for my safety, and Naboo only does this because he cares, but I don't think he realises how hard this is. I often think about what it would have been like if I hadn't said anything about the cutting, or if I hadn't said anything at all. It would have been so much easier. Naboo wouldn't be watching me 24/7, I would be able to keep doing it, and I wouldn't have to wait for these mornings to be on my own.

I hadn't realised how much freedom I'd had until I lost it. Now that's it's gone, I know how much I needed it. Since this began, I've left the house once, and that didn't end well. I can't talk to Naboo about it, though. He'd only tell me again that it's to keep me safe, and he only does it because he cares.

A knock at the door downstairs pulls me from my thoughts. It's probably Saboo, or one of the other shamen. I know where Naboo keeps one of the keys, but he doesn't know that. Taking it out from under one of the sofa cushions, I walk downstairs, checking my hair as I go. Not bad. The shamen never mind, though. I unlock the door and open it.

"Hello, Vincent."


	50. Chapter 50

Chapter 50

No. No way. This is not happening. This cannot be happening. Maybe I'm dreaming. Or maybe I've finally gone completely, totally, mad.

There is no way this can be real. It just couldn't be. How could it be? How could this happen? It's impossible. I gave up on any dream of this happening. It was impossible. It still is. It's completely, utterly, impossible. Always has been, always will be. There's no point in thinking anything else. It's hopeless. I realised that years ago. I gave up.

So why is there a tiny, tiny part of me that hopes this is all real? That it's all actually happening? But it's not. I know it's not. It can't be. It's impossible. None of this is real.


	51. Chapter 51

Chapter 51

"You aren't real."

"I am."

"You can't be."

"I am."

"If you're real, why are you here?"

"I was told to come."

"By who?"

"A group of people appeared outside my house and told me that I needed to come here."

"A group of people?"

"Yes."

"Were there about ten of them?"

"Yes."

"Were they wearing unusual clothes and carrying carpets?"

"Yes."

"Was there one with a weird beard, one who was bald, and a pink octopus?"

"Yes."

"Was the pink octopus arguing with the one with the weird beard?"

"Yes."

"I swear, I will kill those shamen one day…" I mutter. "What did they tell you?"

"When and where I needed to come."

"Did they tell you why?"

"Yes."

"Oh. How much did they tell you?"

"Pretty much everything."

"Oh." I say again.

"The little one said he'd keep out of the way, but he'd intervene if you needed him."

"The little one?"

"He was wearing a dress and a turban."

"His name's Naboo."

"We need to talk, Vincent."


	52. Chapter 52

Chapter 52

"You had your chance to talk." I move to close the door.

"When? When did I ever have a chance to talk?" She asks, pushing the door back open.

"You had your chance! You had eleven years to find me, and all of the time before that!" I yell.

"I couldn't! You know full well that we would both have had it worse if I'd tried!"

"You would have had it worse? Your life was perfect!"

"Perfect?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot that I destroyed your life. I forgot that I was always a dirty little secret!"

"You weren't exactly easy to live with!"

"I'm so very sorry. I would have left sooner if you'd told me."

"I didn't want you to leave!"

"Why didn't you try to find me, then?"

"I told you, I only wanted to do what was best!"

"Well why did you come now? To make sure I still felt guilty? To make sure it still hurt? To make sure I still couldn't ever be truly happy?"

"I came because you need me!"

"I've always needed you! You've never come before!"

"I never knew!"

"You thought that I'd be perfectly fine, sleeping rough? You thought that everything would be alright?"

"I didn't know it was this bad!"

"Well it is."

"Please let me help, Vince."

"I don't need your help."

"I always could tell when you lied."

"I'm fine."

"Have you ever said that and actually meant it?" I don't reply. "I'm coming in and helping whether you like it or not."


	53. Chapter 53

Chapter 53

You can't help me." I say when we're both inside.

"I can try."

"Why?"

"I care about you."

"No, you don't."

"I do."

"Why?"

"I just do. Why won't you let me help?"

"I don't need help."

"You quite obviously do."

"What happens to me is nothing to do with you. "

"I care about you and you're in danger. It has everything to do with me."

"No. It is nothing to do with you."

"Whether you like it or not, I care about you and I'm not letting it go."

"There's nothing you can do."

"Yes, there is."

"No."

"Vince…"

"No! Get out!"

"Vince, please…"

"Get out!"

"Vince, I want to help, please."

"No! Get out!"

"Alright, alright, I'm going. But Vince, please remember, I care."

"Out!" I slam the door and fall against it, shaking. My breath comes in short gasps.

"Vince?" Naboo is standing in the doorway. I don't say anything. "Vince, please talk to me."

"Go away."

"Vince, please talk to me. I just want to help."

"Go away. Just leave me alone."

"Vince…"

"No! You made this happen, you caused this!"

"Vince, I only wanted to help. I only wanted to do what was best."

"So you did this?"

"I thought it would help!"

"Well, it didn't. Just leave me alone."

"Vince, being on your own will only make things worse." He sighs then straightens up. "Come on. We're going out."


	54. Chapter 54

Chapter 54

"Where are we going?" I ask Naboo as we walk. He doesn't answer. He hasn't spoken since we left. "Naboo, where are we going?" Stopping outside a small coffee shop, he says one word.

"In."

"Why are we here? Naboo, what's going on?" I ask as we enter. The small shaman says nothing, but gestures towards a table next to the window. A man is sitting there, hunched over his drink, his brown trilby slipping over his forehead. He glances around, then settles his gaze on me.

"Hello Vince." He says, smiling slightly. I try to say something, anything, but I can't. My throat goes dry and closes up. I stand there, looking like an idiot, until Naboo pushes me forward. I'd forgotten he was there. Stumbling slightly, I walk towards the table and sit down. "How are you?"

"Fine…I'm fine. How are you?"

"I'm fine."

"You've got a cappuccino stain on your upper lip."

"It is not a cappuccino stain, it's my moustache!"

"That's not a moustache, that's a coffee stain!"

"What has my moustache ever done to deserve this?"

"It's hideous!"

"It is not!"

"It is!" He laughs.

"I've missed you, Vince."

"I've missed you too, Howard."


	55. Chapter 55

Chapter 55

"Do you have any idea when Naboo's going to let me come back?"

"No. He won't talk about it."

"What's he doing to you? It's been over a month, Vince."

"A month?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Over a month and not a word! I've been so worried!"

"Sorry."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"I don't know…sorry, Howard."

"Did Naboo stop you?"

"No!" Howard just looks at me. "Well, he never said I couldn't."

"I'll talk to him about it. I worry about you, Vince."

"Why?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why do you worry about me?"

"Because I care about you!"

"Why?"

"You're my best mate, we've known each other for ages!"

"Yeah, we have. Remember the time we did that jigsaw?"

"Puzzle piece

Puzzle Pie

Find the piece of missing sky

Put it in the wrong place

Jam it in the bears face

Canadian landscape with a sky faced bear

Grrr

The jigsaw times."

"Yeah, I remember."

"Good times." He stands up.

"I should be going. I'll have a word with Naboo. Keep in touch."

"I will."

"Alright. Be good."

"You're not my dad, you know."

"I know. Just be good."

"I will."

"Good. Goodbye, then."

"Bye Howard."


	56. Chapter 56

Chapter 56

"Vince…Vince…" I turn my head towards Naboo's voice and try to speak. Instead, all that I can manage is a groan. "Vince, can you hear me?"

"Yeah…" I hear a sigh of relief.

"How do you feel?"

"M'fine…" I mumble.

"That's lovely, but how are you really?"

"My head hurts."

"That's to be expected."

"What happened?" I turn my head, my eyes still closed. I try to sit up, but I'm pushed back down by hands that are gentle but firm.

"You fell."

"I gathered. Where am I?"

"You're in bed."

"My own?"

"Yes."

"How did I fall?"

"You started shaking again and came crashing down in the middle of the coffee shop. I think you hit your head on the way down."

"How did I end up here?"

"I carried you." Howard speaks. I hadn't realised he was in the room.

"The whole way?"

"It wasn't far."

"Thank you." A thought occurs to me. "How long was I asleep?"

"A few hours."

"Naboo wouldn't leave the side of your bed."

"Neither would you." Naboo retorts. I smile.

"Why can't I get up?"

"You need rest."

"But Naboo, I'm not tired!"

"Whether you're tired or not, you need rest."

"But Naboo…"

"No buts, Vince. You have to sleep for at least another hour."

"Yes Naboo."


	57. Chapter 57

Chapter 57

"I don't know."

"Why not?"

"He's…not been well."

"So?"

"I don't know if he's ready."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know if he'd be able to cope."

"I'm his best mate!"

"He's been ill. He still is."

"Then surely me being around will help? You can't look after him on your own"

"He's not on his own." I open my eyes to see the shamen enter the room. "Carpets are round the back." Howard stands up and walks towards Dennis. Without warning, he delivers a right hook to the head shaman's jaw.

"Howard, what the hell are you doing?" Naboo almost screams. Howard ignores him.

"That's for trying to kill my best friend!" He yells.

"I assure you, I have only the deepest regret for my actions. I understand that they were unforgivable, but I beg of you, do not strike me again."

"Fair enough. Now, what did you mean, 'He's not on his own.'?"

"Exactly what I said. We've been helping Naboo."

"Helping him?"

"Yes. Naboo?"

"Yes, Saboo?"

"He's doing it again." I see him gesture towards me.

"Vincent Noir, what did we say about faking sleep?" I sit up with a small sigh.

"It's wrong. Sorry Naboo."

"Don't do it again."

"I won't."

"Good." Howard has been watching us with a peculiar look on his face, but says nothing of it.

"I'm staying." He states, a tone of finality in his voice.


	58. Chapter 58

Chapter 58

"A piano?" Naboo asks.

"Yes." Saboo replies, calm.

"You bought a piano?"

"Yes."

"Why, exactly?"

"I thought it would be a nice thing to have."

"Can you even play piano?"

"Not exactly…"

"Why did you bring it here, anyway?"

"It wouldn't fit through my front door."

"So you decided to bring it here?"

"Yes."

"I wish I understood you." I watch them talk, amused.

"A piano?" I ask. They turn, noticing me for the first time.

"Yes. I bought a piano."

"What kind?" He looks at me, confused.

"I don't know."

"Can I see it?"

"Yes, of course." I see the instrument behind him and walk over to it.

"This is beautiful!" I whisper, forgetting about the shamen in the room. "Do you mind?" I enquire, gesturing towards it. Saboo nods and I sit down on the piano stool. "I used to play a little."

"Do you think you still could?" Naboo asks.

"I don't know."

"You should try."

"It might be terrible."

"You should still try."

"Alright, then."

I take a deep breath and begin to play, a song I haven't played for years. It comes back to me the moment I touch the keys. I can't remember the name, but playing the song is as easy as breathing. When I stop, I notice that Howard has entered the room. He, Naboo and Saboo are staring at me as though I've grown a second head.

"What? Was it really that bad?" None of them speak for a moment, then Naboo finally speaks, his voice a murmur.

"Vince, that was amazing!"

"Really?"

"Really."


	59. Chapter 59

Chapter 59

A few days later, Naboo walks into the living room carrying the post.

"Have you eaten anything?"

"No." I say quietly, hoping he won't hear me.

"Did you sleep?"

"No."

"You're making yourself ill."

"I don't care."

"You should. Where's Howard?"

"In the shop."

"Ok. Eat something." He goes to leave but turns back. "You have post."

"From who?" He shrugs.

"I don't know. The address is handwritten, though, so it's not a bill." He hands me the letter.

"Who could be writing to me?" I murmur, mostly to myself. I think I recognise the handwriting, but I'm not sure. Opening the letter, I begin to read.

'_Vince._

_I'm so, so sorry. I only wanted to help. I thought that, maybe, I could. I've missed you. I don't expect you to say you've missed me, or that you forgive me, but please, please, realise I mean it when I say I'm sorry. Sorry for what I did, and for what I didn't do; for what I said, for what I didn't say; for everything. I highly doubt that you will, but please give me another chance to help you. Please. If you do, here's my number: 077871189240._

_Julia.'_

I re-read the letter again and again, trying to make sense of it. I don't know what to do. Should I give her another chance? Does she deserve it? Of course she does. It wasn't her fault. I pick up the phone and dial, not noticing that my hand is trembling.


	60. Chapter 60

Chapter 60

"Hello?" I try to reply, but my throat dries up. "Hello? Is someone there?"

"Hello." I finally manage to choke out.

"Vincent? Is that you?"

"Yes." There's a pause.

"You got the letter, then."

"Yes." Another pause.

"Look, Vincent, please give me another chance. I know I don't deserve it, but-"

"No." I speak suddenly, cutting her off. "You do deserve it. It wasn't your fault."

"It was."

"It wasn't."

"I don't expect you to forgive me, but give me another chance, please. Let me get to know you. Please." I don't speak for a moment, thinking it over.

"Okay."

"Thank you, Vincent. Thank you so, so much."

"I'll have to talk to Naboo about it."

"Of course. Look, I have to go. Let me know when I can see you. Goodbye, Vincent."

"Goodbye." I hang up.

My thoughts begins to rush and I feel dizzy. I sit down and put my head in my hands. What have I done? What have I agreed to? I don't deserve this. I don't deserve any of it. I need…I need…I know what I need. But I can't. What if Naboo finds out? But I have to. I can't not. I make my way towards where I know I can find it, stumbling slightly, blinded by my need. I find it, shut the door behind me and sit down.


	61. Chapter 61

Chapter 61

I cut again and again, becoming more and more desperate. I keep going, but nothing happens. I don't feel any better. Why don't I feel any better? I always feel better! It always helps! I keep cutting, watching the droplet of blood form. So beautiful, so perfect.

"Vince? What are you doing?" It's Howard. I didn't even hear the door open. How could I not hear the door open? "What are you doing?" He asks again.

"Nothing." I reply quickly, keeping my back to him, hoping he'll drop it and leave. He doesn't, of course.

"What's that? Vince, what are you holding?"

"Nothing!" I say, almost shouting. I sigh. "Look, Howard, just leave it."

"No. Tell me what you're doing, Vince." I look round at him and notice his eye drift to the carpet next to me. He pales. "Vince…" He begins, his voice so hoarse it's barely a whisper. "Is that blood?" I don't reply. He walks towards me and I turn away, curling up, hiding. "Vince, let me see."

"No." I'm crying. I wipe the tears away furiously.

"Vince, you're hurt."

"I'm fine, just leave it."

"Let me help."

"No! I'm fine, Howard, just leave it."

"No, I will not leave it. You're hurt, you need help."

"I'm not hurt, I'm fine."

"If you're not hurt, why is there blood on the floor?"


	62. Chapter 62

Chapter 62

I don't reply. "Vince, if you don't want me to help, I could get Naboo, or-"

"No!" I jump up without thinking about what I'm doing. The moment I move, I realise my mistake. I hear Howard gasp and my stomach drops.

"Vince…" I turn away from him, trying to hide.

"I'm sorry…I'm sorry…I'm sorry…" I mumble, sobbing. I hear him swallow and stutter before speaking quietly.

"I'll be back in a minute." With that, he flees from the room.

He's going to tell Naboo. He'll think I'm weak. They both will. Everyone will think I'm weak and stupid. They'll hate me, they'll all hate me…

"Vince." Howard's back. I turn around, expecting to see Naboo next to him, but the shaman isn't there. "You need to get those cuts cleaned, or they'll get infected." He walks over to me. I turn away, then hear him sigh. "Vince, I need to clean your cuts." He leads me over to the bed. "Lie down." He instructs. I obey without question. There's nothing I can do now.

He starts to clean the cuts, slowly and carefully. I try to bite my lip, to ignore the hurt, but I can't help hissing in pain when he touches some of the deepest cuts. When he finishes, he wipes away tears that I hadn't realised were falling.

"Naboo's going to be angry…" I whimper.

"He won't be. We don't need to say anything unless he asks." I stare up at him.

"Thank you, Howard."


	63. Chapter 63

Chapter 63

"Who was the letter from?" Naboo ask later that day. "I forgot to ask."

"Julia." His eyebrows raise.

"What was it about?"

"She asked me to ring. When I did, she asked to meet up with me."

"And? What did you say?"

"I said yes."

"Are you sure you can manage that, Vince?"

"No. But I'm going to do it anyway."

"Do you really think that's wise, Vincent?"

"I'm going through with it, Naboo. You can't convince me otherwise."

"Fair enough." He sighs.

"Who's Julia?"

"My sister."

"You have a sister?"

"Two. Julia's the eldest."

"You have two sisters? I'm your best mate and you never told me you have two sisters?"

"It never seemed important."

"You are impossible." He says, puffing out his breath. I just laugh.

"Have you eaten anything yet?" Naboo asks, looking at me. I duck my head. "Vincent…"

"No." I mutter, sighing.

"Why not?"

"I forgot."

"You forgot?"

"Yes."

"You forgot to eat?"

"Yes."

"Eat something."

"Naboo…" I whine.

"You have to eat."

"I don't want to."

"You have to." I groan, but stand up and walk towards the kitchen. Howard follows me and begins to make himself a cup of tea.

"Thank you. For not telling Naboo about…you know."

"Don't mention it."


	64. Chapter 64

Chapter 64

He leans against the bench as the kettle boils. "What did Naboo mean, 'You have to eat.'?"

"He keeps making me eat."

"Making you eat?"

"Yes. He says that if I don't, I'll make myself ill."

"Why aren't you eating in the first place?"

"I just don't feel like it."

"What do you mean, 'you don't feel like it'?"

"I just don't feel like eating much nowadays." I say with a shrug.

"You should try to eat something."

"That's what Naboo says."

"He's a wise little man."

"He's not a man, he's a shaman."

"It's the same thing."

"No it isn't."

"Yes it is, and that's the end of it. Now eat something."

"Do I have to?"

"Yes." He says, in a tone of voice that leaves no room for argument. With a sigh, I begin to search through the cupboards.

We sit at the kitchen table, Howard drinking tea and me eating a banana.

"You really should be eating more than a banana."

"I know."

"So why don't you?"

"I can't."

"Why?"

"I just can't."

"You should at least try."

"I am trying. I'm eating something, aren't I?"

"Calm down, Vince."

"Sorry."

"Did you eat something?" Naboo asks when we re-enter.

"Yes."

"Good. Make sure you get some sleep."

"I will."


	65. Chapter 65

Chapter 65

Howard ambushes me outside the bathroom early the next morning. "Why didn't you sleep?"

"I did."

"No you didn't."

"Yes I did."

"No you didn't. Why not?"

"I couldn't."

"You'll make yourself ill."

"I know."

"Why do you do it, then?"

"I couldn't."

"Try."

"I do."

"Good." He moves out of the way and I walk into the bathroom. Closing the door behind me, I begin my morning routine.

When I emerge, I walk through into the kitchen to make a cup of tea.

"Are you going to eat anything?" Howard asks, suddenly appearing in the room. I jump when he speaks, almost spilling the tea.

"I'll eat something, yeah."

"No you won't."

"I will."

"Vince, you said that you would try."

"I will!"

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Make sure you do." He stands in the doorway, watching me. I sit down and begin drinking my tea, trying to ignore him.

When I get up to leave the room, he's still standing there.

"Howard, please move."

"Not until you eat something."

"I don't want to."

"You have to eat, Vince."

"I'm not hungry."

"You still have to eat."

"But Howard…"

"Vince, I told you yesterday, I don't want to tell you again. You have to eat something."


	66. Chapter 66

Chapter 66

It was Naboo's idea to meet up with Julia here. He said that it be easier to get out of if I needed to.

I look around, taking in my surroundings. The diner looks like it's come straight out of the film Grease. I'm sitting in a booth, sipping at a glass of water, waiting. I suddenly regret making Howard and Naboo leave. They were reluctant, but I insisted. They told me about a million times to ring them if I needed to. I won't, of course.

Looking around, I try to find her. What if she doesn't come? What if she changes her mind? What if it was all some sick joke? What if…what if…? My mind begins to race, running through all the possible scenarios. All the things that could go wrong. There are so, so many terrible things that could happen. Even if she does turn up, it could still go horribly, horribly wrong. She could turn up just to tell me that she hates me and she never wants to see or speak to me ever again. I wouldn't blame her. It's my fault, I deserve it, it was all my fault. Everything. I should just go. I shouldn't put her through this. I shouldn't ruin her life all over again.


	67. Chapter 67

Chapter 67

"Vince? Are you alright?" I look up, startled. Julia's standing there, a concerned look on her face.

"I'm fine. How are you?"

"I'm fine. The traffic was horrible, though, and it was near impossible to find somewhere to park." She sighs, sitting down opposite me.

"Yeah, it can be pretty bad at this time of year. I think it's the school holidays, so there'll be loads of kids off school."

"Do you have any? Kids, I mean."

"No, I never wanted any. Have you?" She shakes her head.

"No. Are you with anyone? A girlfriend, or a boyfriend? Are you married?"

"No. Are you?"

"No, I'm not with anyone. No particular reason, just never met the right person." I nod, trying to seem sympathetic. It feels like the right thing to do.

"What about work, what do you do?"

"I'm a dance instructor. What about you?"

"I work in the shop below the flat. Naboo owns it. He's our landlord, too."

"The little one?"

"Yeah."

"What about the flat? Do you share with anyone?"

"My best mate, Howard. I met him when I was younger. He got me a job and we've been living together ever since."

"What's he like?"

"He's alright. He punched a shaman for me." She raises an eyebrow but doesn't say anything. "So, yeah, Howard's cool."


	68. Chapter 68

Chapter 68

"Is that the time?" Julia cries suddenly, looking at her watch. "I'm really sorry, Vince, but I've got to go, I've got an appointment. You don't mind, do you?"

"It's absolutely fine. Don't worry about it." I say, standing up.

"You've got my number, haven't you?"

"Yes."

"Ring me if you need anything, anything at all."

"I will."

"Do you promise?"

"Yes, Julia, I promise."

"Good." She looks me up and down. "Look after yourself."

"I will."

"I mean it, Vincent. Look after yourself."

"I will. You look after yourself, too."

"I'll be fine. You don't need to worry about me."

"You can tell me that until you're blue in the face, I'll still worry." I smile at her. "Go on, you'll be late."

"Okay. I'll see you soon." With a wave, she leaves.

I finish my coffee quickly before paying the bill and departing. I walk out into the busy street, take my mobile from my pocket and dial Howard's number. He picks up faster than I ever thought possible.

"Vince! Are you alright? Where are you?"

"Hello to you too. I'm perfectly fine, and I'm on my way back."

"Are you sure you're alright?"

"I'm certain."

"Ok then."

"I'll be home in about ten minutes."

"Ok. Naboo says he's got news, but he won't tell me what it is until you get back."

"I'll be as fast as I can. Bye Howard!"


	69. Chapter 69

Chapter 69

"I'm back!" I call as I walk through the door. I enter the living room to find Howard and Naboo drinking tea.

"Hello Vince. How are you?"

"I'm fine. What's the news? Howard sounded like he was going to burst if you didn't tell him."

"You're both going back to work in the shop."

"That's the news? You made me wait over half an hour for that?" Howard exclaims, outraged.

"No, you berk. You're getting a new flatmate, who'll be helping out in the shop."

"A new flatmate?"

"Yes."

"That sounds brilliant, Naboo, it really does, but we don't have the space."

"What are you talking about, Howard?"

"We don't have space for another flatmate. Where will he sleep?"

"She" Naboo says, emphasizing the word. "will be sleeping in the spare room." When we continue to look at him blankly, he gives an exasperated sigh. "All the time you've lived here, and you've never noticed the spare room?"

"No."

"Well, there is one, and that's where she'll be sleeping."

"What's her name?"

"You can ask her yourself. You're both expected to be working in the shop with her tomorrow."

"Is that all you're going to tell us? She's going to be sharing our flat and working with us, and all you will tell us is that she's female?"

"Yes."

"You can be infuriating sometimes, did you know?"

"Yes." Naboo replies, a small smile on his lips. Howard huffs, frustrated. I try very hard not to laugh, failing miserably.


	70. Chapter 70

Chapter 70

"Vince…Vince…Vince, wake up." I turn over in bed so that I'm facing away from whoever the voice belongs to. "Vince, wake up." The voice repeats. "Vincent Noir, wake up and get out of bed. You're going to be late for work." There's only one person who could get away with waking me up and talking to me like that.

"Naboo, I'm tired."

"Tough. You have to be in the shop in less than half an hour, and I expect you to eat breakfast before you go down."

"Can't I just go back to sleep?"

"No. You're meeting your new co-worker and flatmate today, remember?" With a groan, I sit up and swing my legs over the side of the bed. Stumbling, I walk past Naboo into the bathroom. "Don't be late!" He calls after me, and I swear I hear him laugh.

I leave the bathroom to find Naboo standing outside the door.

"Come on. Howard's already downstairs." He looks me up and down. "Breakfast. Now." I open my mouth to protest, but he stops me. "Now, Vincent. No arguments."

"Yes, Naboo." I mumble, trudging into the kitchen. Grabbing a banana, I sit down and begin to eat.

"You're really grumpy in the mornings." Naboo says from the doorway.

"Oh, shove off, you midget."

"It's actually rather amusing." Standing up, I put the banana skin into the bin.

"Your height is amusing."

"What is it with you and my height?"

"It's amusing."

"You realise that I'm your boss, don't you? And your landlord."

"I'm very sorry, Naboo. I do not find your tiny height in any way amusing." I say in mock seriousness.

"Oh, get to work." I grin at him. He grins back. "Have a good day."

"I will." I call over my shoulder as I walk down the stairs into the shop.


	71. Chapter 71

Chapter 71

I continue into the shop, ready to sit down in my usual chair and prepare for another customer-free day.

"Morning Vince." Howard says.

"Morning Howard." I reply, stopping.

"Did you sleep?"

"Yes. Naboo dragged me out of bed, though. Why do we need to open at this time in the morning? We never get any customers."

"Naboo commands it to be so." He smiles. I smile back and walk towards my chair. But, when I get to it, there's someone already sat in it.

"Oh, hi, you must be our new flatmate." I begin, not paying the slightest bit of attention to the person herself. "I'm-oof!" I'm cut off mid-sentence by the most violent hug I've ever experienced. Then, as suddenly as it came, it goes. I barely have time to collect my thoughts before I realise that there's a dull ache in my cheek. "Did you just slap me?" I finally ask once I've given up trying to work out what on earth is going on.

"Yes, I did."

"Why?"

"You deserved it!"

"You hugged me, then you slapped me."

"Yes."

"I only tried to introduce myself!"

"Is he always like this in the mornings?" She asks, looking over to Howard.

"Unobservant and ineloquent? Pretty much."

"Thanks, Howard." I say to him, then turn back. "What did I do to deserve that?" She sighs impatiently.

"Think about it, Vincent." I actually look at her, trying to work out who on earth she is.


	72. Chapter 72

Chapter 72

"But…but…"

"Come on, Vincent."

"But you're six!"

"That was twelve years ago, Vincent."

"Eleven."

"Twelve."

"Eleven."

"Twelve years and you weren't there for a single one of them."

"Twelve? Are you sure?"

"Yes." She says shortly.

"But that would make you…" I trail off, trying to work out her age mentally.

"Eighteen, yes."

"Eighteen?"

"I'll be nineteen in four months."

"But you can't be!"

"Can't I?"

"You're my little sister! You can't be nineteen in four months!"

"I will be, whether you like it or not."

"But…but…"

"Did you really expect me to stay six years old forever?"

"Yes! No! I don't know!" I exclaim, confused. "You slapped me!"

"I'll slap you again if you don't find your brain."

"You slapped me! You're my little sister!"

"Yes, I did, and yes, I am."

"My little sister just slapped me!" I say, more to myself than to her.

"Yes, she did."

"You can't slap me!"

"I can and I will."

"But…but…"

"That's the third time you've said that."

"You've been counting?"

"You've said very little else."

"You slapped me!"

"Shut up, Vincent."

"Stop calling me Vincent."

"That's your name, isn't it?"

"It's Vince."

"Vince." She repeats, testing the name out. "Vince. I like it."

"I'm glad you approve."

"Good. Now, are you going to get to work or not?"


	73. Chapter 73

Chapter 73

"Hang on, didn't Naboo say that you were going to be moving in with us?"

"Yes. I needed somewhere to live."

"But you're my little sister, and you're eighteen, and you slapped me!"

"And I'm moving in with you."

"But you can't!"

"It's not up to you, Vince."

"I'm sure it will be lovely." Howard interrupts. "Vince, why don't you go and do some stocktaking?" He says, but it's not a question. I trudge through to the back of the shop. When I get there, I sit down on a box. My thoughts are racing.

What if everything goes wrong? What if she ends up hurt? What if I hurt her? I can't do this. "I can't do this." I repeat.

"You can."

"But, Howard, I-"

"Will do brilliantly. She needs you, and you need her, even if neither of you will admit it."

"But what if I hurt her?"

"You won't."

"But what if I do?"

"You won't, I promise."

"How can you know?"

"I just do. She knows it, too."

"Will you two hurry up and get back to work?" Noelle shouts from the shop.

"Nothing's ever going to be the same, is it?"

"Nope."

"Is she as stubborn as you?"

"At least. She can't half slap you, either."

"I'll slap you again if you aren't out here in the next thirty seconds!"

"Duty calls."


	74. Chapter 74

Chapter 74

"She's cooking."

"Vince, this is stupid."

"It isn't stupid."

"Vince, you're spying on your little sister."

"Howard, she's cooking."

"I realise."

"But, Howard-"

"Vince, you have to talk to her. If you don't she'll be upset when you don't eat the food she makes."

"But she doesn't need to know about that kind of thing yet!"

"Vince, she's eighteen."

"She's still only little!"

"She'll be nineteen in four months."

"You're making me feel old."

"You're less than five years older than her, Vince. You're not old."

"I feel old."

"Well, you're not."

Vincent Noir and Howard Moon, are you spying on your new flatmate?"

"It was Vince's idea!" Howard says quickly.

"Thanks, Howard."

"Sorry."

"We…wanted to…umm…"

"Vince was worried."

"And how does spying on Noelle help?"

"She's cooking, Naboo."

"Then talk to her, don't spy on her."

"She's only little, she doesn't need to know about that kind of thing!"

"She's an adult, Vince."

"No she isn't! She's my little sister!"

"She's still an adult."

"She's my little sister!"

"Then doesn't she have a right to know?" When I don't reply, he sighs. "Go and talk to her, Vince."

"But Naboo…"

"No buts, Vincent. Go and talk to her." I turn to Howard but he shakes his head.

"Naboo's right, Vince. Go and talk to her."


	75. Chapter 75

Chapter 75

"Umm…Noelle?" I offer timidly as I enter the kitchen.

"What do you want, Vince?"

"Who said I wanted anything? Can't I talk to my little sister?"

"What do you want?"

"I…umm…I…"

"Get on with it, Vince."

"Naboo said I should talk to you." I say in a rush. There's a long pause before she speaks.

"About the food thing?" I look up quickly with a start.

"How did you know?"

"You're my brother, Vince. I know when something's wrong with you."

"Oh." There's another long, uncomfortable pause.

"I'm not going to force you to eat." I know what that means.

"But you want me to?"

"I would like it if you did, yes." She says. I regard her for a moment. She hasn't once looked up from the food she's cooking.

"What are you making?" I ask, trying to make things a little less uncomfortable. It's the first thing I can think of.

"Just lasagne. Nothing special." She says with a shrug.

"Nothing special? You can cook! That's amazing!"

"It's only lasagne. It's only cooking." She shrugs again.

"It's magical!" I insist. She keeps looking down at the food, but I see her smile.


	76. Chapter 76

Chapter 76

"I learnt quickly." She says, and the smile fades.

"When?"

"Julia worked late. She had to. We needed the money."

"What about Fiona?"

"Mum? She was no help."

"What do you mean?"

"She didn't do anything of any use."

"Did she work?"

"No. "

"What did she do all day?"

"Drank. What did you expect from her?"

"But you were six!"

"And? What did it matter to her?"

"You were only young. You shouldn't have had to do that."

"So were you." She says quietly, but I still hear.

"That was different."

"How was it different?"

"I knew what I was doing, I could handle it!"

"And I couldn't?" She demands, glaring at me.

"You shouldn't have had to!"

"Well, I did." She turns away again. There's a pause. I sigh.

"I'm sorry."

"For this?"

"For everything. For leaving you, and for what you had to go through, and everything else." She looks up at me again, watching me. Then, without warning, she's gripping me tightly, hugging me with all her might. I hug her back. I feel…lighter, somehow. Better.

"The food!" She exclaims suddenly, letting go. She pulls the lasagne out of the oven, then looks at me. "Are you eating, then?" I think about it, then take a deep breath and reply.

"Yeah, I am."


	77. Chapter 77

Chapter 77

"Make yourself useful, then. Show me where you keep the plates."

"I'll get them. They're in the top left-hand cupboard." I get a stack of plates down and take some cutlery from the drawer. Naboo sticks his head around the door.

"Noelle, is there enough food for another one?"

"Yes, there is."

"Thank you."

"You've got him wrapped around your little finger." I say to her as soon as he's gone.

"So have you! Pass me a spoon, would you?"

"I haven't." I say, passing it. "He acts like he's my dad sometimes."

"It's only because I care!" He calls from the hallway. Noelle raises an eyebrow.

"Does he do that often?"

"What, hear everything? All the time."

"I can't help it, you're very loud!" I shake my head in desperation. Noelle just laughs.

"Come on. Get the food on the table." I carry the plates, cutlery, glasses and some water over to the table. "Do you want to go and tell them it's ready?" I nod and walk through to the sitting room.

"The food's re-" I stop mid-sentence. It can't be. But it is. What's Noelle going to say? She appears in the doorway looking mildly irritated.

"Vince, what's taking you so long?"

"I…umm…" She looks past me.

"Hello." She says, completely unfazed, then turns back to me. "Honestly, you can't be trusted with the simplest of tasks." She turns away again. "The food's ready." I stand, open-mouthed, as they walk past me into the kitchen. Shaking my head and closing my mouth, I follow them.


	78. Chapter 78

Chapter 78

"So, how was anyone's day?" Naboo asks as we begin to eat.

"Strange. Very, very strange." I reply slowly.

"Why?" He asks with a smile.

"My sister turns up, completely out of the blue, and hugs me, then slaps me. Then she tells me that, not only will she be working with me, she'll be moving in with me. Then she cooks." I turn to Noelle. "It's lovely, by the way." I say before continuing. "Then shouts at me. Then she hugs me again."

"That does sound strange." He agrees, the smile growing.

"Vince have sister?" A stunned voice interrupts.

"Yes, I don't believe we've met. I'm Noelle, Vince's little sister." Noelle replies. She's so…calm. So collected. So unfazed.

"I Bollo. I Naboo's familiar." An equally calm, collected, unfazed voice says.

"Pleased to meet you." I watch this exchange, completely bewildered. I turn to Howard.

"Am I the only one who's totally, utterly, lost and confused?" He looks back, mirroring my own expression.

"No, totally, utterly, lost and confused seems about right."

"It's good, though. They seem as though they'll get on." I say. He nods in agreement.

"That is good."


	79. Chapter 79

Chapter 79

I feel awful. I can't believe I ate so much. I'm lying in bed, awake, feeling sick.

An idea comes into my head. It would work. I mean, it would make me feel better. But what if Naboo found out? Or Howard, or Bollo? Or Noelle? But they won't. Will they? Do I care? I don't know. I don't know what I think. I don't know what I want. I try to work it out. I want to feel better. I don't want feel so awful, so…guilty. Checking that Naboo's asleep, I haul myself out of bed and creep across the room to the door. It give a tiny creak of protest. I look back over to Naboo's bed. He's still asleep. I breathe a silent sigh of relief. I close the door behind me as quietly as I can. I wince slightly as it clicks, an almost silent sound.

I know what I'm doing. At least, I think I do. Do I? I don't know what I think. I just know that I need this. I know that I need this. Urgently, desperately. I need this. I don't care about anything else. I can't think about anything else. I need this.


	80. Chapter 80

Chapter 80

I stand at the bathroom door for a minute, listening. When all I hear is silence, I open it. I know what I'm doing. I think I know what I'm doing. I've never actually done this before. I just know, somehow, that this will make me feel better. If I do this, I'll stop feeling awful. If I do this, I'll stop feeling guilty. I close the door behind me as softly as I can, trying not to wake anyone up.

I crouch on the cold bathroom floor next to the toilet. Bending my head over the bowl, I refuse to let the tears that fill my eyes fall. I press my tongue down and push my finger as far down my throat as I can. It doesn't work the first time, or the second, or the third. The fourth time I try, I push further and further, desperate. I feel the vomit rising in my throat and I know that, this time, it's worked. I make sure that my head's over the bowl as I throw up.

I flush it away then fall against the wall, finally letting the tears fall. I stay there and cry myself to sleep.


	81. Chapter 81

Chapter 81

I'm still lying on the bathroom floor, slumped against the wall, when I'm woken up by a sound. I move my head groggily, trying to work out where it came from. Or at least what it was. There are more noises. There are footsteps, then a sigh, then a voice speaks.

"Oh, Vince, what have you done?" The voice says tiredly. I try to reply, to give a reason or make an excuse, but the voice talks over me. "Howard, would you?" Someone's moving closer to me. I try to move, to stand up, but I can't, someone's lifting me. Howard. Howard's lifting me. He's moving. I try to get away from him, but I can barely move.

"Shh. Just sleep, Vince. It's going to be fine, everything's going to be fine, just sleep. You need it. You need to sleep." He whispers. I want to refuse, to insist that I'm fine, that I can manage, but I know he's right. I know I can't. I relax against him and let my eyelids drop.


	82. Chapter 82

Chapter 82

When I wake up again I'm in bed. Looking around, I see that I'm alone in the room. I breathe a sigh of relief and get up. Realising I'm still in my pyjamas, I start rifling through the wardrobe. I pull out a boring, nondescript outfit, not bothering to look impressive. I pull it on and walk from the room, not bothering to style my hair or put on any makeup.

"Vincent." I stop dead. "We need to talk."

"I'm fine, Naboo."

"No you aren't."

"Yes I am."

"No, you aren't. Come and sit down."

"Naboo, I really am fine."

"Vincent, come and sit down." I turn around and sit at the table, opposite Naboo. "Why were you asleep on the bathroom floor?"

"I was tired."

"Vincent." He says sternly.

"I fell asleep. I didn't mean to."

"Why were you in the bathroom in the first place?"

"It's not important."

"Yes, it is. Why were you there?"

"I just was."

"Vincent-" he begins, but I cut him off.

"It doesn't matter, Naboo!" I almost shout. "I'm late for work." I mutter and stalk out. I make my way down into the shop, leaving Naboo sat at the table.


	83. Chapter 83

Chapter 83

I arrive in the shop and sit wordlessly down in my usual chair. Noelle and Howard exchange a glance.

"Vince…" Howard begins. I glare at him.

"What?" He looks startled by my harsh tone.

"We need to talk."

"No, we don't."

"Vince-" He begins, but I cut him off.

"No! I have nothing to say to you. Either of you."

"Vince, you need to talk to someone."

"No, I don't. I'm fine."

"You aren't fine, Vince."

"I can cope."

"That's not enough. You shouldn't just be coping. Just let us help, Vince, please. Let someone help."

"I don't need your help." I growl.

"Yes, you do."

"There's nothing you can do. There's nothing anyone can do."

"Let someone try."

"What good would it do?"

"Someone could help you, if you'd let them."

"I don't need anyone."

"Yes, you do. Even if you won't admit it, you need help. Everyone does."

"Well, I don't. I'm fine."

"Vince, please-"

"No! I don't need your help. I don't need anyone's help." I stand up and walk angrily out of the shop and into the street, slamming the door behind me.


	84. Chapter 84

Chapter 84

I arrive at the train station, a plan beginning to form in my mind. Checking that I've got enough money, I buy a ticket from one of the machines and read the information from it, barely raising an eyebrow at the extortionate price. Leaving platform four in twenty-four minutes. I buy a bottle of water and begin to walk towards the platform. Checking the time, I see that the train won't leave for another seventeen minutes. I sit down and wait.

The train rolls lazily into the station. I board it and look for my seat. Locating it, I sit down. I check my phone. Seven missed calls from Howard, and twelve from Naboo. I'm glad I didn't give Noelle or Julia my mobile number. I look at my texts.

_Naboo: Where are you?_

_Howard: Vince, what's going on?_

_Howard: Please come back, Vince._

_Naboo: Vince, come back._

_Naboo: Now, Vincent._

_Naboo: Where are you? What's going on?_

_Howard: What's going on?_

_Howard: Vince, please come back. We only want to help._

I put the phone back into my pocket, not bothering to read the rest. I don't need them. I don't need them. I don't need their help.


	85. Chapter 85

Chapter 85

Hours later, I arrive at my destination. I don't really notice the time passing. The bus doesn't go the whole way, so I have to walk. It's a nice enough day. Not that I care. I don't. I really don't care.

I walk down the streets and it all comes back. When I reach the house I just stand outside it, watching. After standing for a few minutes, I'm approached by an old woman.

"Who are you?" She asks, her accent familiar. I haven't heard it for so long.

"Howard Moon." I reply. I can't tell her my real name. She's too old. She'd remember.

"What do you want here? What do you want with this house?" She speaks almost viciously.

"Who lives here now?"

"Her name's Noir. Fiona Noir."

"What's she like? Any family?"

"Some children."

"How many?"

"Two girls. I think there was another one once, a boy, but he hasn't been seen for years."

"Do you remember his name?"

"Vincent, I think. Something like that."

"What happened to him?"

"He just…disappeared. He was young at the time."

"How young?"

"Why are you asking all these questions?"

"No reason. Just interested." I go back to looking at the house and she walks away, muttering.


	86. Chapter 86

Chapter 86

I stand there for a while, looking at the house. Just looking. It's pretty much the same. A bit more run down, but still pretty much the same. It doesn't look special. In fact, it looks spectacularly ordinary. You wouldn't know what kind of things happened there by looking at it. What kind of people lived there. What kind of people still live there.

My phone rings suddenly, pulling me from my thoughts. I answer it without thinking. It doesn't occur to me until after I pick up that I should have looked at the number first.

"Hello?" I ask almost instinctively.

"Vince? Vince, is that you? Thank goodness you're alive! Look, Vince, just tell us where you are and we'll come and get you, okay? No one's angry, we just want you to be safe."

Noelle.

"Please, Vince, just tell us where you are." She begs.

"The past." I answer calmly.

"What? Vince, what are you talking about?"

"I'm in the past, the memories, the castle."

"Vince, please, just tell us where you are." She begs, desperate.

"The heart."

"Vince, please!"

"I have told you."

"Vince! Please tell me where you are! I want to help you, we all do!"

"I have told you."

"Vince-" She begins. I hang up and go back to looking at the house. Just looking.


	87. Chapter 87

Chapter 87

After several minutes, I move slowly towards the house. I walk through the gate, knowing that the back door will be open. It is.

"Who's there?" A voice calls. I don't answer. "Stay exactly where you are!" The voice says, panicked. "Don't move!" I walk to the closed door. "I'm armed!"

"You would be." I say calmly, opening the door and walking through.

She's hardly changed. The hair, the eyes, the mannerisms…

"Get out!" She screeches. The voice is the same, then.

"Hello to you too."

"Get out of my house!"

"Aren't you pleased to see me?" I say, my voice dripping with sarcasm.

"What?" She demands, stunned.

"It's been, what, eleven years? Well, that's what I thought. Noelle insists that it's twelve." I keep my tone conversational and light, enjoying seeing her squirm.

"What?" She demands again.

"Hasn't she grown?" I make my malice a little more evident.

"What?"

"Can you say anything else?"

"What?" I give a mock sigh.

"Apparently not."

"Get out of my house!"

"You know what, I don't think I will. I want something from you. Something that I'm not leaving without."

"You're getting nothing from me."

"I'm not leaving, then." She watches me, her furious hatred obvious.

"What is it that you want?" She says finally.

"Answers."


	88. Chapter 88

Chapter 88

"Why should I answer to you?" I stare at her for a moment, then realisation hits.

"You don't recognise me, do you?"

"Recognise you? I've never even met you!" I let this statement hang in the air before speaking quickly.

"I met a woman outside the house. She told me a bit about you."

"What do you mean?"

"She told me your name, that you had two daughters, and that she vaguely remembered a son once, but he disappeared when he was young."

"What else did she say?"

"Oh, don't worry. She didn't mention the fact that the son was beaten and abused from the age of nine. She didn't tell me that he'd be twenty three now, but he'd be twenty four in a few months. Two months after his little sister. She didn't tell me about the fact that you never looked for him after he left, not once. Don't worry. She didn't tell me much at all." I speak angrily, but I don't shout. That's odd. I always used to shout, I never used to do that. I must have picked it up from Naboo. "Do you recognise me now?" She's rendered temporarily speechless, a rare occurrence. When she finally speaks, her voice is quieter than I've ever heard it.

"Vincent."


	89. Chapter 89

Chapter 89

"Why did you do it? Any of it?"

"It was you! You…you attacked us!"

"I was a child!"

"You were dangerous!"

"I wasn't twelve years old when I left!"

"And?"

"How could I have done anything to justify what you did to me?"

"You attacked me. You attacked them! Noelle was four years old, and you attacked her!"

"I was a child!" I bite back the rage, the fury, that is ready to burst out.

"You tried to kill Julia!"

"I. Was. A. child!" I finally lose my temper and shout at her.

"Well, it obviously didn't do you any permanent harm."

"No permanent harm?" I demand. "No permanent harm?" I scream at her, furious. "You know nothing! You know nothing of me! You know nothing of my life!"

"You disappeared! You vanished!"

"You didn't look for me! Your child, your only son, and you didn't look!"

"Go on then. I'm sure your life must have been so terrible." She says, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Do you honestly think that? Do you honestly think that my life was perfect?"

"It can't have been that bad!"

"You can't seriously believe that, can you?" I'm surprised by her answer.

"Go on then. Tell me."


	90. Chapter 90

Chapter 90

"What?"

"Tell me." I watch her for a moment, trying to work her out. Shaking my head, I begin.

"I left here. I was going to stay here, in this area, but people started to notice me, so I had to leave. I ended up in London. I was on the street for seven years. It was…I don't know. I don't know how to describe it. Horrible, hellish, they don't even begin to describe it. I was lost, I was scared, but I couldn't, I wouldn't, come back."

"You wouldn't come back? Not even for them?"

"I was convinced it was my fault." I look to her. "Thanks for that, by the way. I thought I would put them in danger. So I stayed away. Some of the things I did, some of the things I had to do, I feel sick just thinking of them. Not all of it was bad, I'll admit to that. I met Howard, Naboo and Bollo. People came to know me. Not as the broken, troubled child. As The Sunshine Kid, the King Of Camden. An immortal, amazing character. People love me. But they don't know. They don't know anything about who I really am. I don't eat. When I do, I do my absolute best throw it up. I self-harm. I'm covered in cuts." I look at her. "But, of course, you don't care. You don't care that I've tried to kill myself no less than nineteen times. You don't care that I think about it every day. You don't care that this is, in part, at least, your fault. No, you don't care."


	91. Chapter 91

Chapter 91

"You're right. I don't care." She says casually after a moment.

"What?"

"I couldn't care less."

"You helped make this happen, and you don't care?"

"No."

"I could have died."

"It's a shame you didn't." I know that she wants to get a reaction out of me, and I don't want to give her that satisfaction, but I can't. I can't not react.

"I was a child! You would wish death upon a child?"

"Not any child. Just you." I can't help it. I lunge forward and throw a punch at her jaw. She seems to be expecting it, and catches my wrist in mid-air, twisting it around so much that it feels like it'll break. "You're still the same, then?" She asks jokingly.

"Oh yes." I say, ripping my wrist from her grip and throwing another punch. This one lands squarely on her nose and blood starts to pour from it. I grin at her and she growls back.

The first punch hits the centre of my stomach. The next one knocks the wind from me and I fall to the ground, gasping. She starts pummelling me, using me as a human punch bag. "Brings…back…memories." I wheeze, smiling.

There's a dull pain in the side of my head, then darkness.


	92. Chapter 92

Chapter 92

"Vince…Vince…Vince…" A voice drifts in and out of focus. "Vince? Vince, you idiot, wake up." I try to move but I'm pushed back down. "Oh no. You need rest."

"I don't need to rest."

"Yes you do."

"I don't want to rest."

"You need it."

"I don't."

"Go to sleep, Vince."

"I don't want to."

"Stop acting like a child. Go to sleep." Huffing, I close my eyes and go back to sleep.

When I wake up, I try to get up, but I'm pushed back down again. "Will you stop doing that?"

"Stop trying to get up then."

"I'm bored."

"If you're not going to sleep, you should at least stay lying down."

"But Howard, I'm bored! I want to get up." I whine.

"You'll have to face Naboo if you do."

"That can't be that bad."

"You really think so?" There's a crash and Howard winces. "I thought he'd stopped smashing stuff." He says, half to me, half to himself.

"Why's he doing that?"

"He was worried sick when you went missing. Then, when we found you…" He looks me in the eye. "We thought you'd died, Vince." I shrink away, feeling guilty. "I'm just glad he's taking it out on the plates now. The shop was starting to run out of stock."


	93. Chapter 93

Chapter 93

"Where's Noelle?" He looks at me, hesitating.

"You need to get some more sleep." He changes the subject, obviously hoping that I won't continue the conversation. But I won't drop it that easily.

"Howard? Where is she?" I push. He sighs.

"She's in her room. She hasn't come out since we got you back. Naboo didn't want her to come, neither did I, but she did. You were in a pretty rough state. She won't talk to anyone." Before he's finished, I'm out of bed and on my way to the door. Howard appears in front of me, blocking my path. "No. You need rest, and she doesn't want to see anyone. Go back to bed."

"She's my little sister and she's upset. I have to go and help her!"

"You shouldn't be out of bed."

"I have to help her." I say firmly, trying and failing to push past him.

"Look, go back to bed and I'll go and talk to her, ok? If she's ready, she can come and see you. If she's not, you can wait." With a huff, I turn and walk back to the bed. I wouldn't admit it, but I'm glad to be lying down. Standing up was really difficult. My legs had felt weak and shaky. Howard smiles and leaves the room.


	94. Chapter 94

Chapter 94

I listen as Howard walks to Noelle's room. I hear him speak quietly, so quietly I can't make out the words. He's cut off by a yell.

"Go away!" There's a crash and I hear the door to Noelle's room close. Howard appears back in the room.

"She doesn't want to talk." There's a mark on his cheek.

"What happened to your face?"

"Like I say, she doesn't want to talk."

"Did she hit you?"

"No. She threw a book. Just my luck it was a hardback."

"Sorry."

"Why are you sorry? You didn't throw it."

"You only went in because I wanted you to."

"It's not your fault."

"It is, though."

"It's not. Anyway, it's not like it hurts. Now, you need rest."

"But Howard…"

"No buts. Rest."

"No human can sleep this much."

"You had a rough time. You need to recover. Now go to sleep."

"I've had worse."

"That doesn't matter."

"I'll be fine."

"You'll be fine a lot sooner if you get some rest."

"Yeah, but I'll go out of my mind with boredom."

"Stop being so dramatic."

"I'm Vince Noir, how can I not be dramatic?" He laughs.

"Sorry, I forgot you're the most dramatic person ever to live."

"Not ever. Just in a long, long time."


	95. Chapter 95

Chapter 95

"Did Naboo tell you to do this?"

"Do what?"

"Guard me constantly."

"I'm not guarding you."

"What would you call it then?"

"Keeping an eye on you."

"Guarding me."

"You're injured."

"I'm fine."

"You're not."

"I am. So why are you doing it?"

"Naboo told me to."

"I thought you said he was angry?"

"He is. That doesn't mean he doesn't care."

"But he was angry."

"He is. He's calmed down a bit now. He's stopped throwing things. He's just sitting there now. Not doing anything. Just sitting."

"I should talk to him."

"You don't have to."

"I do, though." We look at each other for a moment before he speaks.

"Yeah, you do." He says quietly.

"Well, you'll have to let me get up, then."

"You shouldn't, you've been hurt."

"Get him to come in here, then."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I'll have to sooner or later, so I might as well get it over and done with." He looks at me, his expression grim, then leaves the room.

I have no idea what I'm going to say to Naboo. He'll be angry, I know. He'll want to know what happened. He'll want to know why I left, why I went there, why I threw the first punch. And I'll have to tell him.


	96. Chapter 96

Chapter 96

I close my eyes, trying to work out what I'm going to say. When I open them, Naboo is sitting on the chair next to the bed that Howard was sitting in just a few minutes ago. He's watching me. Not shouting, not even speaking, just watching me. I hate it when he does this. I shift uncomfortably under his gaze. He frowns, so I sit still again. I keep my head lowered, my eyes facing the bed sheets, which have suddenly become extremely interesting. He speaks suddenly, startling me. I jump slightly. He says one word, just one.

"Why?" I don't know what to say to that, so I don't say anything. I just keep looking down at the bed sheets. There's a long pause, one that seems to last forever, before he speaks again. Again, just one word. The same single word. "Why?" I still don't know what to say though. I can't bear to look up. I don't want to have to face him, not properly. I don't want to have to look him in the eye and explain everything.

Because he will want to know about everything. From the bathroom incident to this very moment, he'll want to know. And I'll have to tell him.


	97. Chapter 97

Chapter 97

"Why?" He doesn't seem able to say much else. The tension is almost unbearable. I wish he'd say something else. I just wish he'd be angry, so I could get it over and done with.

Someone once told me to be careful what you wish for. I wish I'd listened, because, all of a sudden, he's not just angry. He's fuming.

"What on earth were you thinking? You ran off, without telling anyone where you were going! We were worried sick! Did it not occur to you at any point to phone one of us and let us know where you were? Or even to just pick up your phone? We phoned, we sent texts, and you didn't reply! Then, when you finally picked up, you talked in riddles and reduced Noelle to tears!" I snap when he says this.

"Don't you dare pull that one on me! I'm a fully grown adult, I am entitled to some freedom and some privacy!"

"You could have died!"

"But I didn't!"

"That's not the point!"

"Then what is? I'm back, I'm perfectly fine-" He cuts me off mid-sentence.

"Perfectly fine? You were beaten black and blue! You're lucky you didn't break something!"

"I've had worse. I'm fine. No harm done."

"Do you honestly believe that?"

"It's true."

"It isn't! Even if it was, that's not the point. You were stupid and reckless. What did you think would happen?" I'm thrown by that. I lower my head again quickly and shrug. "A shrug is not an acceptable answer, Vincent. Why did you do it? Why did you run off, no word to anyone? Why did you do something so stupid?"


	98. Chapter 98

Chapter 98

"I just…I needed to know, okay? I needed closure."

"So you went off without telling anyone where you were going, without any protection?"

"Yes." I say quietly.

"Did you stop to think about what you were doing, even for a second?"

"No." I say even more quietly.

"What was that?"

"No, I didn't stop to think about what I was doing."

"Why not?"

"I don't know." I admit.

"So you got there, what then? You were attacked?"

"I…"

"Were you attacked, Vincent?"

"I…" I stutter for a moment. " No."

"No?"

"I wasn't attacked."

"Tell me what happened."

"I went in. She didn't recognise me at first. I told her who I was. What had happened to me since I left. She…started saying stuff. About how she didn't care, and she wished I'd died." I pause, not wanting to tell him about what happened next.

"And?"

"I tried to hit her. She blocked it, so I swung again. I hit her that time. Made her nose bleed. So she hit me back. Knocked the wind out of me on only the second punch. She just kept hitting and kicking until I blacked out. Then I woke up here."

"So you were attacked?"

"No. It was my fault."

"How was it your fault?"

"I threw the first punch."

"She provoked you."

"I should have ignored her."

"Yes, you should have." We sit, looking at each other, before I have to look away.

"Sorry."

"It's alright."

"That's it?"

"You were provoked. You reacted badly, but you realise that you shouldn't have. That's the end of it."

"Thanks, Naboo."


	99. Chapter 99

Chapter 99

"There's more we need to talk about, though."

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean, Vincent."

"I don't."

"Why was I woken by Noelle screaming because she had found her brother slumped on the bathroom floor?" So that's what the noise was.

"It's not important."

"Yes, it is. Why were you there? What were you doing that's so terrible you won't speak to anyone about it?"

"It's not important."

"Yes, it is. Now tell me."

"I…I was sick." I whisper.

"Vince, I can't hear you when you speak that quietly."

"I was sick." I say, a little louder.

"You were sick? That's all? Why wouldn't you tell anyone about it, then?" He just thinks I was sick! Brilliant! A way out!

"I was embarrassed."

"About being sick?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Little kids are sick. Grown-ups aren't."

"You were just sick? That's all?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Alright. But if you're lying, Vincent…"

"I'm not, I promise!"

"Okay then. You should get some more rest."

"Naboo…" I whine.

"You need to rest."

"But it's so boring! Can I get up, just for a bit?" I see him wavering.

"Well…"

"Please, Naboo?"

"Alright, then. But just for a bit."

"Thanks, Naboo!" I cry, bouncing out of bed. "I'm going to see Noelle, okay?" I don't wait for an answer, leaving the room quickly. It'll be fine. He won't find out.


	100. Chapter 100

Chapter 100

"Noelle-" I begin as I enter the room, but I'm cut off.

"Go away!"

"Noelle-"

"I said go away!"

"'Elle…" I say, hoping that the old nickname will bring her round. It doesn't.

"Go away!"

"Please, 'Elle-"

"No!" I duck to avoid the cushion that's thrown at my head.

"Look, I just want to talk. Please?"

"I don't want to talk to you!"

"Well, I want to talk to you." I say firmly, walking over to her.

"Oh, shove off." She mutters, sniffing. She's sitting on the floor with her knees pulled up to her chest and her face hidden. She looks so lost…so little.

"'Elle, please talk to me." I say, speaking softly now.

"No." So says with a muffled sob.

"Noelle, please."

"I don't want to talk to you!"

"Look, I'm sorry, ok?" She looks up and glares at me.

"Sorry? You're sorry?" I shrink away from her harsh tone. "You disappear, no word to anyone. Then, when we find you, you look as though you're dead. And you're sorry?" She spits out the last word.

"What do you want me to say?"

"I don't want you to say anything, I want you to go away!" She stands up and pushes me in the chest, knocking me off balance. I fall onto my back and she gasps. I realise why and panic.

"I can explain! I can explain!" I yelp, alarmed. She looks at me and sighs again. She speaks softly.

"Oh, Vince. What have you done?"


	101. Chapter 101

Chapter 101

She holds her hand out silently. I take it and she pulls me upwards. She helps me over to the bed, still not speaking.

"'Elle…" I begin, but I trail off, not sure what to say next. She sighs.

"Just lie down and get some rest. I'll be back shortly. I have to go and talk to Naboo."

"Talk to or shout at?" She doesn't answer, and leaves looking determined. Never have I been happier that I'm not that little shaman.

I listen keenly as she walks out of the room and down the corridor. There's a noise that sounds like a slap and I wince.

"How could you let this happen?" She can't half shriek when she wants to. "How could you let him get hurt?" I hear Naboo speaking quietly, obviously trying to calm her down. By the sound of it, it's not working. "I trusted you! I trusted you to look after him, and you let this happen!" I can't let her do this. I haul myself out of bed and walk through to the kitchen, my legs trembling with effort. They're stood facing each other. Noelle has her back to me, but I can still tell she's fuming. Fury seems to radiate from her. She can be so like her mother at times. Just as angry, just as terrifying. But, unlike her mother, Noelle actually has a heart.


	102. Chapter 102

Chapter 102

"Leave him alone, Noelle." I say eventually. She turns, looking surprised to see me standing there. Naboo looks over, equally surprised.

"You should be in bed." They both speak at the same time. If Noelle didn't look as though she's about to kill someone, I would laugh.

"You were fighting."

"You should still be in bed." Noelle insists.

"She's right. You need rest." Naboo interjects.

"It's boring. Anyway, I needed to come and stop you two from fighting."

"We weren't fighting."

"I could hear you from your room, Noelle."

"Well, someone had to do it."

"Do what? Shout at Naboo for something completely out of his control?"

"It wasn't out of his control! He should have taken care of you! He didn't, and look what happened!"

"It's not his fault."

"But he should have taken care of you!"

"I'm an adult, 'Elle. I can take care of myself."

"But you can't! That's the problem!"

"I'm not Naboo's responsibility."

"But…" She trails off and breaks down into tears. "I just want you to be okay." She whispers.

"I am okay. I'm getting better. But shouting at Naboo won't help." When did I turn into a proper, practical older brother? "I'll be fine, 'Elle."

"You promise?" I smile at her.

"I promise."


	103. Chapter 103

Chapter 103

"Is everything alright?" Howard's head pokes around the doorframe.

"We hear shouting." Bollo's head appears next to it.

"Everything's fine."

"Oh. Okay then."

"Vince sure? We hear lot of shouting."

"Yes, I'm sure. Everything's fine, Bollo. Noelle lost her temper, that's all."

"I did not lose my temper!"

"You slapped Naboo! I could hear it from your room!" Howard raises an eyebrow.

"Naboo alright?" Bollo asks, concerned.

"I'm fine. Stop worrying."

"Hypocrite."

"I am not!" He turns to the others. "I'm not!"

"You are, Naboo." Howard says. Naboo turns to Bollo.

"Vince and Harold right." The ape says with a shrug.

"It's Howard, actually."

"Shut up, Harold."

"Howard." He mutters. Bollo ignores him.

"You should go back to bed."

"Bed's boring."

"You're hurt. You need time to recover."

"I'm not hurt. I'm fine."

"You're not fine. Go back to bed."

"But Naboo…" I whine.

"But nothing. Go to bed." I turn and walk dejectedly out of the room.

I'm about halfway down the hall when I start to feel dizzy. The hallway spins, making my head hurt. I try to keep walking, but my legs feel like jelly. Everything seems to go into slow motion, apart from the hallway, which spins faster and faster.

Suddenly, everything goes black.


	104. Chapter 104

Chapter 104

"…my fault, it's all my fault." I hear Naboo mutter. His voice swims, like something from a dream.

"It's not your fault." Howard says.

"It is, I shouldn't have let him up, it's my fault, it's all my fault." Naboo insists.

"It not Naboo fault." Bollo tells him.

"It is, it's my fault, it's all my fault."

"Oh, shut up, you midget."

"Noelle…" Howard begins, but trails off. She probably glared at him.

"Am I in bed again?" I exclaim, opening my eyes. They all turn and look at me.

"You're awake!" Howard cries after several moments of silence.

"Yes, I'm awake. Why is that so amazing?"

"You fainted. You're ill. That's not a good combination."

"Well, I'm fine now, so everything's okay."

"You are not fine. You shouldn't have been out of bed in the first place."

"I am fine." I insist.

"Vince not fine. Vince need sleep." Bollo says sternly. Well, as sternly as an ape can.

"I'm not tired."

"You still need to sleep." Naboo persists. I sigh.

"You are extremely irritating, has anyone ever told you?"

"You have, on several occasions."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"I should tell you more often."

"You most certainly should not." He says. I just smile at him.


	105. Chapter 105

Chapter 105

"Will you turn that noise down?" Howard calls, his head appearing in the doorway. I've been stuck in bed for ages now. It feels like it's been forever.

"It's not noise, it's music!"

"It is not music! Jazz is music. That" He says, pointing to the cd player. "Is noise."

"Jazz is not music! This is music. This is proper music."

"You have no taste."

"This is coming from the man in beige corduroy trousers and a Hawaiian shirt."

"They are not beige! They are quite clearly a ferocious taupe colour."

"You make these colours up."

"I do not!"

"Anyway, if you won't let me listen to music, what do you suggest I do?"

"I don't know. Read a book?"

"Reading's boring, though."

"Come up with something yourself, then." He says and begins to leave.

"You could read to me." I call after him. He reappears in the room.

"What would you suggest I read to you?"

"I don't know. I don't know any books. I only read comics. You pick something." He looks at me for a moment, as though he's trying to work me out.

"Alright then. Back in a minute." And with that, he disappears.


	106. Chapter 106

Chapter 106

He reappears after a few minutes carrying a book. Sitting down on a chair next to the bed, he opens it.

"So, what are you going to read?" I ask him.

"It's a very famous science fiction book."

"Science fiction? What, like Superman?"

"Yes, like Superman. It's not Superman, though. Now, shall I begin?" I nod. "Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the western spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun." I lie back, close my eyes, and listen.

"The end." He says, snapping the book shut.

"That was great!"

"I'm glad you liked it." He says with a chuckle.

"It was brilliant!"

"Good." He smiles. "Now, you should get some rest."

"Read another one, please?" I beg, putting on my best puppy dog eyes.

"You need to rest."

"Well, I'm not moving when you're reading to me." I reason. I can see him beginning to crack.

"You should rest."

"Just one more? Please?"

"Alright, then. Just one. But you need to get some sleep after that, okay?"

"Okay." I smile. He stands up and leaves the room smiling.

He returns a few minutes later with another book. Opening it, he begins to read.

"It was seven minutes after midnight."


	107. Chapter 107

Chapter 107

I'm still stuck in bed the next day. I have never been so bored. It's worse than spending a lifetime with Howard's weird friend Lester Corncrake. Actually, it's not. Nothing could be worse than that. This is still boring, though. So far, Howard and I have read three more books, played eight games of noughts and crosses, and listened to two CDs, one of mine and one of his. His wasn't actually as awful as I expected. That stuff hasn't been bad. What's bad is the fact that I've had to do it all while stuck in bed.

"When can I go back to work?" I ask Naboo that evening.

"You actually want to go back to work?"

"Yes! I'm bored."

"You're bored?"

"Yes. You know that I've got the attention span of a four year old child. Look, I feel fine. Can I go back to being an adult?"

"Are you sure you feel okay?"

"Yes, I'm sure."

"Okay then. If you're feeling up to it, you can go back in the morning."

"Brilliant! Thanks Naboo!"

"But if you feel at all ill or anything, you have to let me know, alright?"

"I will. You promise I can go back tomorrow, though?"

"I promise."


	108. Chapter 108

Chapter 108

"Vince. Vince." I think it's Howard. I turn over. "Vince. Vince. You need to get up now." It's definitely Howard. "Vince, if you don't get up, I'll go and get Naboo." That makes me sit up.

"I'm getting up." I mumble, still feeling as though I'm half asleep.

"Good. You're due at work in an hour, so you need to actually leave the bed."

"Alright, alright." I climb out of bed and stand up, rubbing my eyes.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine. How are you?"

"Not bad. Naboo's standing outside the door."

"Why?"

"He's convinced that if you get up, something terrible will happen."

"I'm not!" Naboo's voice calls. "I'm just making sure you're okay."

"I'm fine. Nothing's wrong, and nothing bad is going to happen. Alright?"

"Alright. You should have breakfast before you go to work." He says, sticking his head around the door.

"Do I have to?"

"Yes. I'll see you in the kitchen in half an hour." With that, his head disappears and I hear him walking away.

"See you in half an hour, then." Howard says, then leaves the room.

"Yeah, see you in half an hour." I call after him. With a yawn, I pull some clothes from the wardrobe and make my way to the bathroom.


	109. Chapter 109

Chapter 109

We haven't had any customers all day. As usual. We've been in basically the same positions all day. Noelle seems to have taken over my chair and Howard's standing, so I'm left to sit on the counter, being pushed off every now and again by Howard.

"You shouldn't sit on the counter, Vince." He tells me for at least the third time. Possibly the fourth. Or maybe the fifth.

"Where else am I supposed to sit?" I reply, re-seating myself between the till and a pile of leaflets for a music night at a local pub.

"A chair, or a box, or anything! Just stop sitting on the counter!"

"Why can't I sit on the counter?"

"It gives the wrong impression."

"Who does it give the wrong impression to?"

"Customers."

"Which customers?"

"The customers that we could get. You know, in the future."

"We never get any customers! We haven't had a customer in weeks!"

"No wonder, with you sitting on the counter!"

"Will you two shut up? You're starting to sound like an old married couple." Noelle calls from behind her magazine.

"We do not!" Howard and I say at the same time.

"You do."

"Don't." I mutter. Howard just pushes me off the counter again.


	110. Chapter 110

Chapter 110

"So, does anyone have any plans for tonight?" Howard asks cheerfully after finally not only pushing me off the counter, but onto a chair.

"No. Might watch something on the telly box." I say, relaxing into the chair with a stretch.

"Telly box? Are you three?"

"Mentally, yeah." I say with a chuckle. He shakes his head and turns to Noelle.

"What about you?"

"I'm going out, actually." I sit up.

"You're going out?"

"Yes."

"Where are you going? Who are you going with?"

"I'm just going out with some friends."

"Which friends?"

"You don't know my friends."

"Well, where are you going?"

"Just out. Probably to a club, or something."

"Vince, everything will be okay." Howard says. "I'm sure Noelle will be fine."

"I will be. You don't need to worry." I settle back into the chair with a grumble. Noelle rolls her eyes. "What about you, Howard? Have you got any plans?"

"No, I haven't, actually. I'll probably just stay in."

"You don't go out much, do you?"

"I go out occasionally. I've got my Jazzercise."

"Jazzercise?"

"Yes."

"What on earth is Jazzercise?"

"Jazzercise is brilliant! An hour of working out to hot bebop!" There's a pause, during which they just look at each other, before Noelle finally speaks.

"You do know that you're strange, don't you?"


	111. Chapter 111

Chapter 111

"Vince!" Noelle calls from the bathroom that evening.

"What?" I call back.

"Can I borrow your straighteners?"

"No! No way!" I yelp. No-one touches my straighteners. No-one.

"Please?" She says, her head appearing in the doorway and pouting.

"No."

"Vincent, be nice to your little sister." Naboo says sternly. I look from Noelle to him and back again before giving in.

"Fine, fine. But be careful!"

"Thanks." She says, then her head disappears again.

"I can't believe you just guilt tripped me into letting someone use my straighteners." I say, shaking my head at the tiny shaman.

"She's your sister. Anyway, they're only straighteners."

"Only straighteners? They cost loads! They're really good quality!" He just rolls his eyes at me.

"There's food in the oven, you need to take it out in fifteen minutes, okay?" Noelle calls.

"We can cook, you know. Well, Howard and Naboo can."

"I know, but if I make food, I know that you're eating something decent."

"I cook decent food!" Naboo exclaims indignantly.

"Not that we don't love your cooking. We do, we really, really do." Howard says holding his hands up defensively.

"It's okay." She says, appearing in the room. I don't think I've ever seen such a short dress.

"No way are you going out dressed like that!"

"Excuse me?"

"You can't wear that!"

"I can and I will."

"You can't!"

"I can!" She calls as she leaves the room.

"You can't!" I shout, but the only answer I get is the sound of the door shutting.


	112. Chapter 112

Chapter 112

"Vince, go to bed." Howard says for the tenth time this evening.

"No."

"You need sleep."

"I don't care."

"Nothing bad is going to happen. Everything's going to be fine."

"You don't know that."

"Vince, she'll be fine. There is absolutely no need to sit staring at the door."

"You're right." He seems taken aback.

"What?"

"You're absolutely right. Waiting here won't do anything." I say, standing up.

"Vince, if you're about to do what I think you're about to do, don't."

"You do know that you're making no sense?"

"I'm making perfect sense!" I ignore him as I pull on some cool boots and an awesome jacket. "Vince, stop!" He says, grabbing me by the shoulders.

"Get off, Howard!" I say, trying to shake him off.

"Vince, you can't do this. Just think about it. What good will it do? You don't even know where she is!"

"But she could be hurt!"

"What's going on?" Naboo appears in the room suddenly.

"We hear shouting." Bollo says, appearing next to him.

"Everything's fine." I insist.

"Everything is not fine!"

"Well, what's wrong?"

"Noelle's gone out!"

"I was aware. What's wrong with that?"

"She could be hurt!" Howard raises his hands in exasperation and I see my chance. Ducking under his arms, I run out of the door, slamming it shut behind me.


	113. Chapter 113

Chapter 113

I have no idea where I'm going.

I have absolutely no idea where I'm going.

I have to find Noelle, though. She could be hurt, or lost, or… My thoughts race, horrific scenarios running through my mind. So many awful things could have happened to her. She could be dead!

I shake my head, trying to get rid of that thought. She's not dead. She's not. She can't be.

I find myself wandering down the main street and turning into a club. It's almost like a homing device. I only recognise it vaguely, but the people inside seem to recognise me as though I haven't ever been gone.

"Vince!"

"Vince, mate! Good to see you!"

"Alright Vince?" People begin to move towards me, patting me on the back and calling out my name. Someone at the bar waves me over.

"Good to see you, Vince. Your usual?"

"No, I'm not staying."

"What brings you here, then?"

"I'm looking for someone, actually."

"Anyone particular?"

"A girl."

"Aren't we all?"

"No, a particular one. About a head shorter than me, eighteen years old, pretty fiery temper. Can give you one hell of a slap." He laughs at this.

"Why are you looking for her?"

"I'm just worried about her. Have you seen her?"

"No, sorry mate. I'll get in touch if I do see her, though."

"Thanks." I say. Ignoring protests from people around me, I leave to continue my search.


	114. Chapter 114

Chapter 114

Two hours, two clubs and three bars later, I'm standing in the street, shivering. I don't know where to go next.

A van pulls up in front of me. Our van. Well, Howard's van, technically.

"Get in." Howard says, sticking his head out of the window.

"No. I have to find her."

"She's fine, now get in."

"You don't know that."

"Get in, Vincent." Hearing the name coming from him surprises me, and I obey, climbing silently into the van and sitting next to me. He doesn't say anything else, and I don't try to talk to him.

He stays silent as we pull up outside the flat. I follow him inside, feeling numb. Naboo's waiting, looking ready to kill. As soon as I walk in, he explodes.

"What on earth were you thinking? You stupid, irresponsible, idiot! We've been worried sick!"

"Sorry." I mutter.

"Vincent, what were you thinking?"

"I had to find her! She could have been hurt!"

"You could have just waited here."

"But what if she had been hurt? What if she still is?"

"She's not."

"How would you know?"

"I know because I had to convince her that you were fine and you would be back soon."

"What?"

"She's asleep in her room. She needed it."

"What do you mean?"

"She wore herself out worrying. Maybe next time you'll think before you do something so stupid." Pushing past him, I charge into Noelle's room.


	115. Chapter 115

Chapter 115

"Elle?" I ask hesitantly, hovering around the bed. I'm not sure whether she's awake or not. "Elle?" I ask again. She doesn't move, so I assume she's not. I sit down on the floor next to her bed with a sigh and look up at her sleeping form.

She's so beautiful, even when she's asleep. How she got red hair, I've no idea. She's always had it, though, so it's not dyed. Her hair's bright red, as bright as fire. Her eyes are closed, but when they're open, they're the bluest blue I've ever seen. She's pale, almost as pale as me. She's so beautiful, so perfect.

For some reason, I don't know why, I start talking.

"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. For everything. For not being there, all these years, for making you go through it all on your own. I'm sorry I left you there, with them. With her. I'm sorry for every time I…" I choke back a sob, feeling guilty. "I'm sorry for every time I shouted at you, or attacked you, or failed you. Especially for when I've failed you. When I've failed to protect you from everything, especially her. I'm just so, so sorry."


	116. Chapter 116

Chapter 116

It takes a few moments before I recognise what it is I'm feeling. It's that same, familiar need. I haven't felt it since that day Howard found me. Taking one last look at Noelle, who's still asleep, I stand up. Peering around, I see that the coast's clear, and creep into my room.

I know I shouldn't do this. I know it's stupid and dangerous, because I've been told a thousand times, but I need this. After everything I've done, I deserve it.

I don't cut straight away, though. I trace my fingers over some old marks. 'Julia' is carved into my inner left calf, with 'Noelle' carved underneath it. Positioning the blade, I re-open the wounds, hissing slightly at the pain. They were some of the first cuts I made. I remember when I made them. I remember sitting with my legs half crossed, my left foot resting on my right knee, as I engraved the names. I remember coming so close to crying, but not shedding a tear. I remember looking at them, night after night, tracing my fingers over them, marvelling at how beautiful they were. I'd never seen anything so beautiful, so perfect. I loved them. I still do.


	117. Chapter 117

Chapter 117

"Vince." I hear someone say softly. I don't want to turn round. "Vince, it's me. It's Howard." I close my eyes and count to ten, hoping he'll go away. After I've finished, I open my eyes and look around. He's still there. He's standing in the doorway, looking…sad? Disappointed? "Vince, have you…" He trails off as his eyes drift down to my leg, and I turn my head away.

I hear him sigh softly as he approaches. Feeling his hand on my shoulder, I jump away. "Vince, It's alright. It's only me." I remember earlier in the evening. He called me Vincent. He's like Naboo. He'll tell Naboo. "Vince?"

"No." I choke out.

"What?"

"No. Just go away, Howard, please."

"Vince, let me help."

"Don't tell Naboo, please."

"Vince, you're hurt. Let me help."

"Just leave me alone."

"No." He crouches down behind me. "Let me help."

"I don't need your help."

"You do, though."

"I don't." I look up at him, silently begging him to just go away and forget about it.

He doesn't, of course.

But this time, he doesn't try to do anything straight away. He just sits down opposite me and watches me. I don't look up at him, but he keeps watching.


	118. Chapter 118

Chapter 118

"I have to tell him." He says after a while. I jolt my head upwards in shock.

"You can't!"

"I have to."

"Howard, you can't!"

"If I don't tell him, you have to."

"But he'll get really angry!"

"I'm sure he won't."

"He will, he always does."

"Just don't tell him, Howard, please."

"I'm sorry, Vince. I have to." He says. I don't reply. He goes back to sitting there, just watching me.

After a while, he speaks again.

"Come on. Let me have a look so I can sort you out." He puts his hand on my arm and I jump away like I've been burned. He looks hurt. "Vince-"

"No! You don't want to help, you just want to get me in trouble! Just leave me alone!"

"Vince, I do want to help." I stand up. He copies me. "Please, please let me help." Pushing him away, I run.

I run into the bathroom. Slamming the door behind me I fall against it, breathing heavily. I don't know what to do. I can't stay in here forever. But if I go out, Naboo's going to be really angry. Howard will be, too. I don't know what to do.


	119. Chapter 119

Chapter 119

After a while, I don't know how long, there's a soft knock on the door.

"Vince?" I hear Howard say gently. "It's me. Let me in, please." I ignore him. "Vince, please? I just want to help." I keep ignoring him. After a few minutes, I hear him sigh and walk away.

"Vince, it's me." It's Naboo. He'll be angry, he'll be really angry at me. "Please open the door." He doesn't sound angry. He must be, though. He told me not to cut, and I did, so he'll be angry. "Please let me in, Vince." I do my best to block his voice out.

I keep ignoring him, but he doesn't go away. He stays there, speaking only occasionally. He asks me to let him in. I don't, of course. That would be stupid. He'll just be angry.

Later, I don't know how much later, I curl up on the floor. After everything that's happened, I feel completely exhausted. I just want to go to sleep and forget about everything. I want to forget about going looking for Noelle, I want to forget about Howard getting annoyed and calling me Vincent, I want to forget about him saying that he had to tell Naboo. I just want to forget.

I drop off as soon as I close my eyes.


	120. Chapter 120

Chapter 120

When I wake up again, I'm in bed. Sitting up, I open my eyes and look around. Howard's sitting to my left. Noelle's next to him, her head on his chest. I think she's asleep again. Naboo's sitting on my right with his arms folded.

They're both sitting there, watching. Howard's the first to speak.

"How are you feeling?" I don't answer him and he sighs. "Vince, I'm sorry. I haven't told him, but I had to let him know something happened." I still don't answer him.

Naboo speaks next.

"I'm not angry. Howard said you thought I would be, but I'm not."

"You will be, though." I mutter.

"I won't. I'm not angry. I'm just worried." I don't say anything. "I'm not angry at you, I'm just worried about you. Please, tell me what's wrong. I only want to help. Please let me."

"No."

"Why not?"

"You'll be angry." He goes to speak, but I interrupt him. "I know you say you won't be, but you will. When you find out, you will be."

"I won't, I promise."

"You will. Even if I did tell you, what good would it do?"

"I could help you, Vince."

"No. You couldn't."


	121. Chapter 121

Chapter 121

"I can't help if you won't let me."

"You can't help at all." He looks at me for what feels like forever, then sighs.

"Fine." He says, standing up. "If you're not going to let me help, there's nothing I can do." I look at him, confused. "I won't try to help if you don't want me to." He goes over to Howard and leans down to whisper something in his ear. He leaves, not looking at me.

I go to get up but Howard speaks. "Stay there." That's all he says.

"Why? I'm not ill." He gives a tired sigh.

"Just stay there."

"Leave me alone, Howard."

"No. When will you get it into your head that I care? That I want to help?"

"You don't."

"I do."

"You don't. You keep saying that you care, but you don't none of you do."

"We do, we all do. You know that, Vince."

"Back to calling me Vince now, then?" I say angrily.

"What?" He looks confused.

"Earlier, when you were telling me to get in the van, you called me Vincent." I say, ducking my head.

"So?"

"That's what Naboo calls me when he's annoyed with me. I hate it." I look up at him.

"I'm sorry." He says. "I just wanted you to get in. I was worried about you. I didn't mean to upset you, I just wanted to get you home so I knew you were safe. I wasn't annoyed, I just wanted you safe, alright?" After several tense minutes, I speak.

"Alright."


	122. Chapter 122

Chapter 122

"Howard?" Noelle murmurs as she wakes up, shifting on Howard's chest. I feel a stab of jealousy.

"I'm right here." He says softly. She opens her eyes and sits up, still leaning against him.

"What happened?"

"We found Vince and brought him back."

"Where is he now?"

"Over there, in that bed." She turns and notices me, then looks back up at Howard.

"How is he?"

"I can speak for myself, you know." She ignores me.

"Well, he was ill, then he went out in the cold, so not brilliant."

"So he's not well enough for me to slap him for being so stupid?" She turns and glares at me as she says this.

"Not yet." He replies with a smile.

"Shame."

"What have I done to deserve it?" She glares at me again.

"You went off, without telling anyone where you were going, endangered your health, your life, and had us all worried sick! What more do you want?"

"I did not endanger my life."

"You're underweight, unwell, and you went out in the cold."

"I'm not underweight and I'm not unwell."

"I'm not going to argue with you." She turns to Howard. "Sorry about falling asleep on you. Let me know if you need anything." She stands up and leaves, not looking at me.


	123. Chapter 123

Chapter 123

Howard watches me closely for several minutes, making me feel uncomfortable. "Why did you go out in the first place?" He finally asks. I stare at him as though he's insane.

"To find her, of course."

"Why?"

"I was worried about her."

"Why?"

"She could have been hurt."

"Why did you think that she could have been hurt?"

"I don't know. She could have been, though."

"But why were you so worried?"

"She's my little sister and she could have been hurt! I…" I trail off, not wanting to tell him the next bit.

"You what?"

"I couldn't let her get hurt again. Not again. I couldn't let her get hurt and it be my fault. I've done that to her enough." Tears start to form in my eyes, but I fight to keep them back.

"What do you mean?" He asks, sitting down next to me on the bed.

"I've hurt her enough. Or let her get hurt."

"What do you mean, 'let her get hurt'?"

"It was my fault. It was always my fault. She would get hurt, and it would be my fault." He sighs.

"Oh, Vince. It wasn't your fault, I promise it wasn't."


	124. Chapter 124

Chapter 124

He pulls me into a hug. I struggle, trying to get away.

"What's wrong?" He asks, looking down.

"Don't deserve it." I mutter, not looking at him. He puts a finger under my chin and pushes up gently, making me look at him. He looks back at me, clearly confused.

"What, a hug?" I nod. "Oh, Vince. You do deserve it. You deserve a hug more than most people." He pulls me back in. I try to get away again at first, but after a while, I give up.

It's sort of nice, sitting here with Howard, me leaning against him and him holding me, stroking my hair. It's comforting to listen to his heartbeat, steady and constant. His arms seem strong and gentle at the same time. It feels good to just relax and let my troubles slip away, to just enjoy being held. I feel something, but I don't know what it is. It's warm and comforting, even though I've never felt it before. I like it.

After a minutes, I realise what it must be. This must be what it's like to feel safe. It's new and it's strange, but I like it. It feels good.

I feel safe.


	125. Chapter 125

Chapter 125

I don't know where I am. I don't know what's going on. I just know that I feel good. I shift slightly as my memories of the night before start to come back. Noelle was annoyed, so was Naboo. Howard wasn't annoyed. Howard had held me when I was upset. He'd given me a hug, and told me I deserved it. He'd told me it hadn't been my fault when Noelle was hurt.

I realise I've been asleep and open my eyes. I try to pull myself up so I'm sitting, but I can't. Something's holding me down. Looking down, I see that it's Howard's arm. I shake it gently.

"Howard?" I whisper. "Howard, let me up." He makes a noise, evidently not yet fully awake. "Howard." I say a little louder, shaking his arm again.

"I wasn't asleep!" He exclaims, jolting awake.

"Of course not."

"I wasn't!" I don't reply. "At least I didn't fall asleep on my best friend's chest." He says, poking my side. I groan in embarrassment.

"I didn't, did I?" He just laughs. "Don't tell anyone."

"I don't know, I might keep it as future blackmail material."

"Don't you dare." He just laughs again.


	126. Chapter 126

Chapter 126

"How long were we asleep for, then?" I ask.

"Not a clue. I can't see the clock from here."

"Well, I'm not getting up. I'm comfortable."

"You've got to, Vince. You can't stay there forever." I look up at him.

"Five minutes? Pretty please?" I plead, trying to look as adorable as I can.

"Five minutes, that's it, alright?" He finally concedes. I smile at him.

"Alright." I say, snuggling back into his chest.

Much more than five minutes later, he gives me a shake.

"Vince, we need to get up."

"But Howard, I'm comfy!"

"We have to get up. The others will start to worry."

"No they won't."

"Yes, they will. Now get up."

"Alright." I say with a sigh. I use one arm to push myself up on Howard's chest. As soon as I'm sitting up, I start to feel dizzy. Just as I feel I'm about to fall back down, Howard grabs me around the waist.

"Whoa there, little man."

"I'm not that little."

"You're tiny!"

"I'm not as small as Naboo."

"Yeah, but no one is. Naboo's a midget." He laughs. "Do you still feel dizzy?"

"I don't think so."

"Okay then." But when I try to climb off the bed, Howard has to grab onto me again. "It doesn't look like it."

"I'm fine, honestly."

"No, you're not." He says. Suddenly, he scoops me up in his arms.

"Howard! What are you doing?"

"I'm not risking you fainting."

"You are impossible." I say, poking his chest. He just laughs at me.


	127. Chapter 127

Chapter 127

He carries me through to the living room and sets me down on the sofa. Turning to face me, he seems to sober up. This worries me. It looks like I'm in trouble.

"Vince." I flinch away subconsciously. He looks hurt.

"Sorry." I murmur.

"You don't need to be sorry." He puts a hand on my knee. "Vince, we need to talk."

"We don't, Howard, I-"

"We do, Vince." He says, looking stern. After he sits there for a few minutes, just looking at me, the stern look disappears and is replaced by a softer one. "You have to stop doing this to yourself. You have to stop bottling up all of your emotions and keeping them inside. It's not good for you."

"I'm fine, Howard."

"No, you're not. You need to start talking to someone when there's something bothering you. We're all here for you, and we all care. You know you can always talk to us whenever you need to."

"I know."

"Will you, though?"

"Yes."

"Do you promise? That you'll come and find someone to talk to when you feel upset or anything?"

"Yes."

"Alright. I'll hold you to that, though." He says, smiling at me.

"I bet you will." I say, rolling my eyes at him.


	128. Chapter 128

Chapter 128

"Now." He says, picking me up again. I struggle, not really trying to get away, just trying to put up some kind of fight. "We need to get you something to eat." I start to struggle properly now, but he holds me firmly. "Stop it, Vince. You need to eat."

"I don't! Let me go!"

"No."

"But Howard-"

"I said no, Vince. When was the last time you actually ate something?" I think hard for several minutes.

"Can't remember." I finally mutter. He gives me a look that quite clearly says 'I told you so.'.

"There you go, then. Come on, let's get you fed." He carries me through to the kitchen and sits me on the bench. I start to swing my legs without realising what I'm doing. "What do you want?" He asks as he begins to look through the cupboards. I shrug my shoulders.

"Don't know. Not bothered, really."

"Alright." I sit there silently as he cooks. "Here you go." He finally says, placing a bowl of food on the table. I jump down from the bench and sit in front of it. I sit there, just looking at it, until he speaks. "Eat." He says simply, handing me a fork. Reluctantly, I begin. Out of the corner of my eye, I see him smile.


	129. Chapter 129

Chapter 129

"Where are the others?" I ask as I pick at the food.

"Eat it, Vince." Howard says, giving me a nudge. "Naboo's room, I think. Bollo was just being, well, Bollo, and Noelle seemed tired, more than anything else, but Naboo seemed pretty angry." I duck my head. Howard must notice, because he speaks quickly. "Not at you, he wasn't angry at you, he was just worried about you. You know how much he cares."

"He doesn't." I mutter.

"He does, Vince. That's why he worries about you so much. I think he was angry at himself, that he couldn't help you. It wasn't your fault, I promise. Alright?"

"Alright." I say after a few minutes, looking up at him again. He smiles.

"Good. Now, eat."

"But Howard-"

"That wasn't a request, Vince. Eat." He says sternly.

"You're worse than Naboo sometimes."

"I am not!"

"You are!" I say, starting to eat again.

"I should go and tell the others you're up, actually."

"Can I ask you a question first?"

"You just did." He says, smirking.

"Howard!" He laughs.

"Are you pouting?"

"No!"

"I think you are!" He teases.

"Look, can I ask you a question or not?"

"Yes, you can."

"What did Naboo say to you before he left?" He stops laughing and waits several minutes before speaking quietly.

"He said 'Look after him.'. That was all. 'Look after him.'"


	130. Chapter 130

Chapter 130

"Naboo actually said that?"

"Yes."

"Really?"

"Yes, really. I told you he cares." He stands up. "Now, I have to go and tell the others you're up. I want to see some of that food gone when I come back." He looks me directly in the eye. "And when I say gone, I mean eaten, not thrown in the bin. Do you understand?" He keeps looking me in the eye for several minutes, daring me to say no, before I break his gaze and look away.

"Yes." I say finally.

"You know I'm only doing this because I care, don't you?" He asks, his voice going from stern to concerned.

"Yes." I nod. He smiles and pats my shoulder.

"Good. I'll be back in a minute." He calls as he walks out of the room.

I sit there, weighing up my options. If I ate the food, I'd feel awful, for a while at least, but Howard would be happy. If I didn't eat the food, I wouldn't feel like throwing up, but Howard would be disappointed, which is worse than him being angry. So would Naboo.

Sighing inwardly, I begin to eat. I really don't want to, but I want to disappoint Howard and Naboo even less.


	131. Chapter 131

Chapter 131

Hearing the thud of feet on the hallway floor, I turn just in time to see Naboo stutter to a stop. He looks as though he's been running.

"Vince!" He looks down at the bowl of food in front of me. "You're eating?" The surprise is clear on his face.

"Yes."

"Great, that's great." He beams at me. "That's really, really great, Vince."

"Thanks." Howard's head appears over the small shaman's shoulder.

"Vince? Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, Howard."

"Have you eaten any more?"

"Some."

"Good. How are you feeling?" I open my mouth to tell him I'm fine, but he stops me. "The truth, Vince." I shrug.

"I don't know."

"Do you feel any worse? Any better? Exactly the same?"

"A bit better."

"Well that's good."

"I suppose so." He sits down opposite me. Naboo and Noelle join him, but Bollo is nowhere to be seen.

"Where's Bollo?" I ask, turning to Naboo.

"I sent him out to get a few bits from Shamansbury's. The board asked me to make a potion and I'm missing some important ingredients."

"What kind of potion?"

"Just a general antidote. Nothing special."

"Are you sure you're feeling better?" Howard asks, eyeing me intently.

"Yes, I'm sure."

"Alright then." He says, relaxing a little. "If you're sure."


	132. Chapter 132

Chapter 132

I hear them talking later that night while I'm lying in bed, trying to get to sleep.

"He'll be fine, Naboo." I hear Howard saying exasperatedly. It's the voice he uses when I'm being stubborn.

"I'm not sure."

"He'll be fine." I think they're talking about me.

"How can I know that?"

"You saw how he was with me today. He'll be fine, trust me." I hear Naboo sigh at this.

"I just don't know, Howard. You know how he can be with people."

"I'm not people, Naboo. I'm me, I'm his best friend!"

"I know, it's just…" He trails off and sighs again. "I don't know."

"Naboo, Vince be fine with Harold."

"My name's Howard."

"Shut up, Bollo helping you."

"Sorry."

"Anyway, Vince be fine with Harold, even if he is ballbag. Harold, not Vince."

"Do you have any particular reason for verbally abusing me?"

"Bollo help."

"If that's idea of help, I dread to think what you consider an insult."

"But it true!"

"It is not true!"

"It true. Harold ballbag!"

"My name's Howard!"

"Will you two shut up?" Naboo says, cutting them off. "You'll wake Vince up."

"Sorry Naboo." Howard says quietly.

"Sorry Naboo. It true, though."


	133. Chapter 133

Chapter 133

I feel awful. I feel absolutely awful. You know those days where you just want to curl up in a corner and cry?

"How are you feeling today?" Naboo asks, interrupting my thoughts.

"I'm fine." I lie, giving my standard reply. I don't look at him, hoping he'll drop it. He doesn't, of course.

"Vince." He says sternly.

"I mean it, Naboo. I'm fine."

"You quite clearly aren't."

"I am."

"Vince-"

"Just leave it, Naboo, I'm fine." He studies me silently, not saying anything. I squirm uncomfortably under his gaze. When he continues to stay silent for several minutes, my patience snaps. "What?" I almost shout. I regret it almost instantly, knowing that that was what he expected. "Sorry, I…" I trail off, not sure what I'm about to say. Naboo still doesn't say anything. I sigh. "I just…I feel a bit rubbish today."

"What kind of rubbish?" He finally asks.

"Just a bit…" I struggle to find the right word. "A bit worn out. A bit tired."

"Did you get enough sleep last night?" When I don't answer, his expression becomes more concerned. "Did you sleep at all?"

"Yes." I reply, not meeting his gaze.

"The truth, Vincent." He says sternly.

"No." I mutter, still not looking at him.

"I've told you before, you'll make yourself ill." He says. I don't reply.


	134. Chapter 134

Chapter 134

"Morning." Howard says as he saunters in. Neither of us reply. "What's wrong?" Naboo looks at me pointedly, making it clear that I'm the one who's meant to reply. Howard notices. "Vince? What's wrong?"

"Tired." I mutter.

"Did you sleep at all last night?" Why do they both have to ask? "Vince?" I ignore him, looking down at the table. He sighs. "Have you eaten?" He asks. I don't know why he bothers.

"No." He sighs again.

Several minutes later, a bowl of fruit appears in front of me. I look up. Howard sits down opposite me. "Eat."

"No." I say, pushing it away.

"Yes." He says, pushing it back.

"No. I don't need it."

"Yes, you do."

"I don't."

"When was the last time you ate?"

"Last night."

"You haven't eaten for over twelve hours and you've been awake the whole time. Eat." I pick up a grape and take a bite out of it, doing my best to ignore the sour taste it leaves in my mouth. "You'll feel better afterwards."

"Yeah, right." I mutter under my breath. He hears.

"You will." He says, getting up to make tea. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Naboo smile.


	135. Chapter 135

Chapter 135

"You'll feel even better after you've slept." Howard fills the kettle and puts it on, taking two mugs from the cupboard. "Which you're going to do as soon as you're finished your breakfast." I jolt my head up.

"What?"

"As soon as you've eaten, you're going back to bed." He makes my tea first, loading it with milk, sugar and some kind of powder, before he makes his own, black with one sugar. He pushes the drink towards me and I take a sip grudgingly, pulling a face at the taste.

"I'm not going back to bed."

"Yes you are."

"I'm not. I'm not tired. I'm fine."

"Be that as it may, you still need to go back to bed. After you've eaten."

"I'm fine, Howard. I don't need to eat, and I'm not tired."

"You do need to eat and, whether you're tired or not, you need to sleep."

"But what about work? You can't manage the shop on your own."

"I'm sure I'll manage. Come on. Try to eat a little bit more, and drink some more of your tea."

"What did you put in?" I ask, trying to ignore the instruction to eat. Howard notices, of course.

"Eat, Vince. Just some milk and sugar, you know."

"And? What was that powder?"

"I'll tell you when you've finished." He bargains, and I know it's the only way I'll find out. Pulling a face, I take a gulp of tea.


	136. Chapter 136

Chapter 136

"Alright." I say after, putting the mug down on the table. "I've drunk the tea. Now will you tell me what that powder was?"

"Just something Naboo gave me. It's not important."

"But what was it? What was it for?"

"I don't know, actually. You'd have to ask him." I turn to Naboo who's leaning over the bench, working on some kind of potion.

"Naboo?" I ask. He looks around at the mention of his name. "What was that powder?"

"What powder?"

"The one you gave to Howard to put in my tea. What was it? What was it for?"

"Oh, that powder. Nothing important."

"But what was it?"

"Just something to keep you healthy. You've not been eating enough, so your body hasn't been getting what it needs. Without it, if you keep skipping meals, your body will just shut down." I sit for a minute, taking this in.

"Naboo, was that entirely necessary?" Howard asks him.

"What? He deserves to know."

"You didn't need to be so dramatic about it." Naboo doesn't answer him, just turns back to his potion, muttering. Howard shakes his head then turns to me. "Have you eaten enough?" I nod. "Alright then. Bed. You need to sleep."

"But Howard-" I begin, but he holds up his hand to cut me off.

"Bed. Now. Come on." He walks out of the kitchen and I follow, knowing there's no point in arguing.


End file.
